Teenage Daughter Problem

[ferniesnow]

I'll give you some advice if you want it. Considering your history with the family make sure you have someone else there when you have the talk with this kid. Kids could say things that never happened and then you are the one in big trouble.Just my 2 cents.

and certain authorities will take the side of the kid no matter what......just saying

 

[SledMamma]

We are in the precarious position of also having 3 girls: 13, 8 and 6. It seems I am also on Karma's chit-list, because I got a 13 year old blonde bombshell who hovers just under 6 feet. Last week she handed me down her bras. FML At this stage in the game I am ready to pretty much kill her, and I take solace in the fact that I am not alone. If Longhorn and Eclipse are surviving, and Arff and Rzrgade are only down a little hair, then I am sure that I too will survive.

Just before Christmas, one week after my darling daughter's 13th birthday I got hit by the proverbial parent freight train. Now, let me stress that up until this point, I believed we had great communication, easy going rapport, laughter and most importantly, mutual respect. She is an honor roll student, was doing her chores regularly, involved in horses and music and hugging me every night... usually after a long talk about her day. I had a very frank policy that you have my trust until you do something to prove that you don't. Although I had the password to her cell phone, I also promised not to ever use it until she gave me a reason... and I absolutely didn't. I knew she was speaking to a boy 2 years older than her occassionally, but she knew she wasn't allowed to date and never even asked to see him outside of that. She had been to one school dance and had a few friends over all semester. Other than that, really no social life at all outside of her cell phone because she was just too busy. Two weeks prior to "the event" I signed a permission form for my daughter to leave school on the last day before Christmas holidays and go with the other grade 8's to cheer for their hockey team against a rival high school in the last two blocks of the afternoon. The day arrived. I curled her hair for her and sent her off to school with a smile and a kiss on the cheek. That night, I picked up the phone to tell her dinner was ready and overheard a conversation that made my world spin. She had a friend write her a note to leave school after first block and she spent the day at this boy's house instead of going to the hockey game. Immediately, I took her phone and started scrolling back. I won't publish details, but I will definitely tell you that in all aspects of her friendships and especially where this boy was concerned, my little girl was in WAAAAAAAY over her head, on so many levels. I was devastated. Couldn't even speak to her for most of the holidays.

In retrospect, (and speak up if you see it differently) I don't know what I could have done differently. Other than patrol her cell phone, perhaps??? As parents, we did our best to give her freedom as it was earned and shown she could handle it. She went to school one day and threw it away in the biggest way possible. Reactively, I contacted the boy and threatened all sorts of doom and horror on my part and scared the piss out of him. He never talked to her for all of the Christmas Break. She was lost and alone and I was so angry that the only words I could think of were "you are an idiot!", so I just avoided speaking to her at all. Christmas Break ended and school was starting again, so then we are left with "what to do"??? We would just look stupid to forbid her from seeing this boy any further, because he clearly did not have her best intentions at heart. Every day she would be able to go to school and defy us and prove to herself how easy it was. For the first month, that wasn't a problem because Mr. Playa didn't have the guts to even speak to her. Meantime, I have a devastated teenager on my hands who has put herself out on a limb for a boy who wouldn't even step up and fight for her... and to make matters worse, rumors are swirling at school about what happened that day. This leads to many a long talk about standards, integrity, and how good it feels to be respected and have someone who is willing to wait for you and honor your boundaries.

Eventually, this boy showed up at her locker with a shy smile and a hot chocolate. He ended up being just as lost as her, but slightly more opportunistic... as most boys at that age tend to be. I sought the help of his parents in helping to chaperone and guide these two in a less physical direction and keeping their dating supervised and casual. Its not an ideal situation, and I don't love the idea of her dating... but I quickly learned that it is not really up to me: my "ideal and awesome parenting" was something akin to driving a car on ice... that ch!t don't work worth a crap and I am NOT in control, as much as I like to think I might be. Luckily, she scared herself enough by jumping into the deep end and facing heartbreak (and disappointment in herself) that she is unwilling to go back to that place. Fortunately, the boy actually values her enough to ease up and just take what he can get with the eagle eyes of parents watching. And frankly, we ended up having so many uncomfortable conversations out of that one scenario that there really isn't any subject that we can't approach now.

So far, we are surviving. But I am tensed for the next brush with impending adolescent disaster and trying to work up the stamina to make it thru two more...

Anyway... I only tell you this so that you know that your lack of clarity for what to do isn't unusual. I wish the best of luck to you and your daughter. You did the right thing not letting her go into the city with him. He and his family sound like a nightmare to deal with, so that won't be easy if you do decide to let her see him. Ideally, you can direct her away from this dip*hit; but, if not then set some firm groundwork and ask her to earn your trust by starting with small dates and visits. Like MOMMA said, if he is truly on the up and up he will be willing to hang out with you and your family in order to see her. If he isn't williing to do that, then he is hiding his intentions and has no integrity. Getting that across to your daughter is going to be hard tho. My daughter had to see the effects of that first hand and it truly broke her heart.

Safe travels weary parent You are not alone

 

[sumx54]

We are in the precarious position of also having 3 girls: 13, 8 and 6. It seems I am also on Karma's chit-list, because I got a 13 year old blonde bombshell who hovers just under 6 feet. Last week she handed me down her bras. FML At this stage in the game I am ready to pretty much kill her, and I take solace in the fact that I am not alone. If Longhorn and Eclipse are surviving, and Arff and Rzrgade are only down a little hair, then I am sure that I too will survive.

Just before Christmas, one week after my darling daughter's 13th birthday I got hit by the proverbial parent freight train. Now, let me stress that up until this point, I believed we had great communication, easy going rapport, laughter and most importantly, mutual respect. She is an honor roll student, was doing her chores regularly, involved in horses and music and hugging me every night... usually after a long talk about her day. I had a very frank policy that you have my trust until you do something to prove that you don't. Although I had the password to her cell phone, I also promised not to ever use it until she gave me a reason... and I absolutely didn't. I knew she was speaking to a boy 2 years older than her occassionally, but she knew she wasn't allowed to date and never even asked to see him outside of that. She had been to one school dance and had a few friends over all semester. Other than that, really no social life at all outside of her cell phone because she was just too busy. Two weeks prior to "the event" I signed a permission form for my daughter to leave school on the last day before Christmas holidays and go with the other grade 8's to cheer for their hockey team against a rival high school in the last two blocks of the afternoon. The day arrived. I curled her hair for her and sent her off to school with a smile and a kiss on the cheek. That night, I picked up the phone to tell her dinner was ready and overheard a conversation that made my world spin. She had a friend write her a note to leave school after first block and she spent the day at this boy's house instead of going to the hockey game. Immediately, I took her phone and started scrolling back. I won't publish details, but I will definitely tell you that in all aspects of her friendships and especially where this boy was concerned, my little girl was in WAAAAAAAY over her head, on so many levels. I was devastated. Couldn't even speak to her for most of the holidays.

In retrospect, (and speak up if you see it differently) I don't know what I could have done differently. Other than patrol her cell phone, perhaps??? As parents, we did our best to give her freedom as it was earned and shown she could handle it. She went to school one day and threw it away in the biggest way possible. Reactively, I contacted the boy and threatened all sorts of doom and horror on my part and scared the piss out of him. He never talked to her for all of the Christmas Break. She was lost and alone and I was so angry that the only words I could think of were "you are an idiot!", so I just avoided speaking to her at all. Christmas Break ended and school was starting again, so then we are left with "what to do"??? We would just look stupid to forbid her from seeing this boy any further, because he clearly did not have her best intentions at heart. Every day she would be able to go to school and defy us and prove to herself how easy it was. For the first month, that wasn't a problem because Mr. Playa didn't have the guts to even speak to her. Meantime, I have a devastated teenager on my hands who has put herself out on a limb for a boy who wouldn't even step up and fight for her... and to make matters worse, rumors are swirling at school about what happened that day. This leads to many a long talk about standards, integrity, and how good it feels to be respected and have someone who is willing to wait for you and honor your boundaries.

Eventually, this boy showed up at her locker with a shy smile and a hot chocolate. He ended up being just as lost as her, but slightly more opportunistic... as most boys at that age tend to be. I sought the help of his parents in helping to chaperone and guide these two in a less physical direction and keeping their dating supervised and casual. Its not an ideal situation, and I don't love the idea of her dating... but I quickly learned that it is not really up to me: my "ideal and awesome parenting" was something akin to driving a car on ice... that ch!t don't work worth a crap and I am NOT in control, as much as I like to think I might be. Luckily, she scared herself enough by jumping into the deep end and facing heartbreak (and disappointment in herself) that she is unwilling to go back to that place. Fortunately, the boy actually values her enough to ease up and just take what he can get with the eagle eyes of parents watching. And frankly, we ended up having so many uncomfortable conversations out of that one scenario that there really isn't any subject that we can't approach now.

So far, we are surviving. But I am tensed for the next brush with impending adolescent disaster and trying to work up the stamina to make it thru two more...

Anyway... I only tell you this so that you know that your lack of clarity for what to do isn't unusual. I wish the best of luck to you and your daughter. You did the right thing not letting her go into the city with him. He and his family sound like a nightmare to deal with, so that won't be easy if you do decide to let her see him. Ideally, you can direct her away from this dip*hit; but, if not then set some firm groundwork and ask her to earn your trust by starting with small dates and visits. Like MOMMA said, if he is truly on the up and up he will be willing to hang out with you and your family in order to see her. If he isn't williing to do that, then he is hiding his intentions and has no integrity. Getting that across to your daughter is going to be hard tho. My daughter had to see the effects of that first hand and it truly broke her heart.

Safe travels weary parent You are not alone

OMG... Your scaring me sh!tless. We have a 10 year old daughter. I'm coming to see you for counseling in 3 years. sounds like your sporting some good ice tires.

 

[Cyle]

Good luck. As many guys said, we knew what we were like at 16 and most parents threats do nothing to a horny teenager. They will either think they can get away with it, or it's worth it. And if kids want to do something they will find a way, regardless of what parents say. In fact pushing too much might make it worse. Best thing is if they can talk to you and know you will support them.

Girlfriend has a 16 year old daughter and it's great how she doesn't want to date at all, no interest in it at all. Great thing becauses shes blonde, blue eyes, and big eyes.....

But really, just be happy it's not worse, nothing in this thread is bad compared to what some are doing in junior high.

 

[Cyle]

It also doesn't help the situation on how a lot of young girl dress and develop earlier now it seems. Some of them you can't tell if they are 14 or 18.

 

[Bogger]

I've explained to my Daughter that there will be times that she hates me...it is what it is. So far she tells me that she could never hate me and thinks I'm on glue....I told her to remember that when she hates me...

Considering she is a souless ginger I've been lucky so far...

 

[MOMMA]

We are in the precarious position of also having 3 girls: 13, 8 and 6. It seems I am also on Karma's chit-list, because I got a 13 year old blonde bombshell who hovers just under 6 feet. Last week she handed me down her bras. FML At this stage in the game I am ready to pretty much kill her, and I take solace in the fact that I am not alone. If Longhorn and Eclipse are surviving, and Arff and Rzrgade are only down a little hair, then I am sure that I too will survive.

Just before Christmas, one week after my darling daughter's 13th birthday I got hit by the proverbial parent freight train. Now, let me stress that up until this point, I believed we had great communication, easy going rapport, laughter and most importantly, mutual respect. She is an honor roll student, was doing her chores regularly, involved in horses and music and hugging me every night... usually after a long talk about her day. I had a very frank policy that you have my trust until you do something to prove that you don't. Although I had the password to her cell phone, I also promised not to ever use it until she gave me a reason... and I absolutely didn't. I knew she was speaking to a boy 2 years older than her occassionally, but she knew she wasn't allowed to date and never even asked to see him outside of that. She had been to one school dance and had a few friends over all semester. Other than that, really no social life at all outside of her cell phone because she was just too busy. Two weeks prior to "the event" I signed a permission form for my daughter to leave school on the last day before Christmas holidays and go with the other grade 8's to cheer for their hockey team against a rival high school in the last two blocks of the afternoon. The day arrived. I curled her hair for her and sent her off to school with a smile and a kiss on the cheek. That night, I picked up the phone to tell her dinner was ready and overheard a conversation that made my world spin. She had a friend write her a note to leave school after first block and she spent the day at this boy's house instead of going to the hockey game. Immediately, I took her phone and started scrolling back. I won't publish details, but I will definitely tell you that in all aspects of her friendships and especially where this boy was concerned, my little girl was in WAAAAAAAY over her head, on so many levels. I was devastated. Couldn't even speak to her for most of the holidays.

In retrospect, (and speak up if you see it differently) I don't know what I could have done differently. Other than patrol her cell phone, perhaps??? As parents, we did our best to give her freedom as it was earned and shown she could handle it. She went to school one day and threw it away in the biggest way possible. Reactively, I contacted the boy and threatened all sorts of doom and horror on my part and scared the piss out of him. He never talked to her for all of the Christmas Break. She was lost and alone and I was so angry that the only words I could think of were "you are an idiot!", so I just avoided speaking to her at all. Christmas Break ended and school was starting again, so then we are left with "what to do"??? We would just look stupid to forbid her from seeing this boy any further, because he clearly did not have her best intentions at heart. Every day she would be able to go to school and defy us and prove to herself how easy it was. For the first month, that wasn't a problem because Mr. Playa didn't have the guts to even speak to her. Meantime, I have a devastated teenager on my hands who has put herself out on a limb for a boy who wouldn't even step up and fight for her... and to make matters worse, rumors are swirling at school about what happened that day. This leads to many a long talk about standards, integrity, and how good it feels to be respected and have someone who is willing to wait for you and honor your boundaries.

Eventually, this boy showed up at her locker with a shy smile and a hot chocolate. He ended up being just as lost as her, but slightly more opportunistic... as most boys at that age tend to be. I sought the help of his parents in helping to chaperone and guide these two in a less physical direction and keeping their dating supervised and casual. Its not an ideal situation, and I don't love the idea of her dating... but I quickly learned that it is not really up to me: my "ideal and awesome parenting" was something akin to driving a car on ice... that ch!t don't work worth a crap and I am NOT in control, as much as I like to think I might be. Luckily, she scared herself enough by jumping into the deep end and facing heartbreak (and disappointment in herself) that she is unwilling to go back to that place. Fortunately, the boy actually values her enough to ease up and just take what he can get with the eagle eyes of parents watching. And frankly, we ended up having so many uncomfortable conversations out of that one scenario that there really isn't any subject that we can't approach now.

So far, we are surviving. But I am tensed for the next brush with impending adolescent disaster and trying to work up the stamina to make it thru two more...

Anyway... I only tell you this so that you know that your lack of clarity for what to do isn't unusual. I wish the best of luck to you and your daughter. You did the right thing not letting her go into the city with him. He and his family sound like a nightmare to deal with, so that won't be easy if you do decide to let her see him. Ideally, you can direct her away from this dip*hit; but, if not then set some firm groundwork and ask her to earn your trust by starting with small dates and visits. Like MOMMA said, if he is truly on the up and up he will be willing to hang out with you and your family in order to see her. If he isn't williing to do that, then he is hiding his intentions and has no integrity. Getting that across to your daughter is going to be hard tho. My daughter had to see the effects of that first hand and it truly broke her heart.

Safe travels weary parent You are not alone

I fricken Love you. I'm sharing this post with my daughters. You are an amazingly strong woman. I treasure all of our little talks about parenting and life. So thankful to have my 16 year old bombshell by my side each and every day, but scared ChItless by her beauty.

I am sooooo hugging you with my mind.



xoxo

 

[SledMamma]

I fricken Love you. I'm sharing this post with my daughters. You are an amazingly strong woman. I treasure all of our little talks about parenting and life. So thankful to have my 16 year old bombshell by my side each and every day, but scared ChItless by her beauty.

I am sooooo hugging you with my mind.



xoxo

Thanks MOMMA: I love being "human" with you too Life is not perfect, but it sure is awesome when you have great people to help you get through the "whoops" section. Hopefully one day soon I will see you and get to collect my a real hug

 

[rzrgade]

Lotta good points in this thread, if i could some it up quickly.........I would venture to say: "The apple never falls far from the tree"...In other words it would appear most of you are fine caring parents,and i would expect your daughters to grow up to be shaped from the same mold !!!
We just had our first grandaughter and it still amazes me what she learns every day...........So teach well,as we don`t get second chances. It does get A LOT easier as they exit the teen years and it becomes priceless as they become mothers themselves. This is the reward period ,as you get back ten fold and realize you did a pretty frickin good job after all..............;-)

It hit home at my daughters wedding,rehearsal i was having fun and walked her down the isle.........Wedding day i cried,and she walked me down the isle..........It is something i will always cherish & remember !!!


On a side note Arff has lost enough hair for both of us,however the girls did help to turn mine grey ...HeHeHe

 

[rocketron]

Trunk monkey!

trunk monkey with a shotgun commercial - YouTube

 

[MOMMA]

Lotta good points in this thread, if i could some it up quickly.........I would venture to say: "The apple never falls far from the tree"...In other words it would appear most of you are fine caring parents,and i would expect your daughters to grow up to be shaped from the same mold !!!
We just had our first grandaughter and it still amazes me what she learns every day...........So teach well,as we don`t get second chances. It does get A LOT easier as they exit the teen years and it becomes priceless as they become mothers themselves. This is the reward period ,as you get back ten fold and realize you did a pretty frickin good job after all..............;-)

It hit home at my daughters wedding,rehearsal i was having fun and walked her down the isle.........Wedding day i cried,and she walked me down the isle..........It is something i will always cherish & remember !!!


On a side note Arff has lost enough hair for both of us,however the girls did help to turn mine grey ...HeHeHe

you made me tear up! What a beautiful picture. ♥!

 

[Carrots]

Trunk monkey!

trunk monkey with a shotgun commercial - YouTube

Hahahahaha that's awesome



Sent from a iPhone

 

[SledMamma]

Lotta good points in this thread, if i could some it up quickly.........I would venture to say: "The apple never falls far from the tree"...In other words it would appear most of you are fine caring parents,and i would expect your daughters to grow up to be shaped from the same mold !!!
We just had our first grandaughter and it still amazes me what she learns every day...........So teach well,as we don`t get second chances. It does get A LOT easier as they exit the teen years and it becomes priceless as they become mothers themselves. This is the reward period ,as you get back ten fold and realize you did a pretty frickin good job after all..............;-)

It hit home at my daughters wedding,rehearsal i was having fun and walked her down the isle.........Wedding day i cried,and she walked me down the isle..........It is something i will always cherish & remember !!!


On a side note Arff has lost enough hair for both of us,however the girls did help to turn mine grey ...HeHeHe

Wow... That sure does sum things up and put them in perspective. What a gorgeous photo! I'm a daddy's girl and that walk down the aisle and first dance always get the waterworks flowing for me. I can't wait until the sun sets on these days and I can enjoy the view from your vantage point. Thank you for the input and picture- sometimes it's hard to remember what the end point will be

PS- the grey is very distinguished on you !!

 

[X-it]

Unless of coarse if they convert her, then you can kiss your daughter and grandkids good bye

 

[Summitric]

lotta good points in this thread, if i could some it up quickly.........i would venture to say: "the apple never falls far from the tree"...in other words it would appear most of you are fine caring parents,and i would expect your daughters to grow up to be shaped from the same mold !!!
We just had our first grandaughter and it still amazes me what she learns every day...........so teach well,as we don`t get second chances. It does get a lot easier as they exit the teen years and it becomes priceless as they become mothers themselves. This is the reward period ,as you get back ten fold and realize you did a pretty frickin good job after all..............;-)

it hit home at my daughters wedding,rehearsal i was having fun and walked her down the isle.........wedding day i cried,and she walked me down the isle..........it is something i will always cherish & remember !!!


On a side note arff has lost enough hair for both of us,however the girls did help to turn mine grey ...hehehe

dam, that picture made me tear up too......... My little girl will get married one day, and i hope to be as priviledged to walk my daughter down the way.

Mistakes will be made, the kids will hate us, but like everyone has pretty much stated, we will all try our best to mold our children the best we can.........

Afterall, we were all in there shoes once(as kids, i mean), and i remember what i used to do, and how i did it(it wasn't pretty sometimes), and it wasn't always above the board. So remember, that kids will be kids, and they'll always find a way. Even if there is serious repercussions afterwards, we still love 'em

 

[Bogger]

All that said there is no perfect solution, as a parent you need to roll with and deal with situations individually.

This 16 year old boy has been made out to be the devil....most of us have been there.

My first experience was at 14, she was 13...we were dating "exclusively" for a year and the deed was her idea not mine.
Second I had just turned 15, she was 14, came to find out afterwards she was actually only 13 she had lied about her age and we lived in different parts of the city, again it was her idea and we were together for over a year.

Dated a couple girls the same age after that but in high scool I was "one of them" When I was 16 and in grade 12 I met Tina who was 14 and in grade 9 (we dated for almost 2 years until 1/2 way through my first year of college)

My point is that I consider my mother to be a wonderful woman who raised me right, I do not blame any of my mistakes on her parenting and quite frankly I was going to do what I wanted no mater her guidence, I had morals but I was still a teenage boy none the less. Same goes for all the forementioned girls, decent families, good home lives and loving parents.

As a parent now it is easy to condemn the evil teenage boys however I remember who I once was and how the girls I ran with reacted to "parental opinion" Like the Momma's have said, if you think you are in control you are fooling yourself, be prepared for anything and deal with each situation as it happens.

 

[Dexx29]

Parents aren't there to be friends, Parents are there to set limits and protect their children, no matter what age they are. I think your daughter needs to be a part of the decision making process, but not the final say. How many times can we look back at the things our parents stopped us from doing, and can say that those things are insignificant to us now. We grow up, we move on. Put you foot down, do what you feel is in your best interest as a parent. I think that parents are there to share what they know with their kids, and stop them from making the same mistakes.

The long and short of it is... If it doesn't feel right - go with your instinct.

 

[scotts]

Lotta good points in this thread, if i could some it up quickly.........I would venture to say: "The apple never falls far from the tree"...In other words it would appear most of you are fine caring parents,and i would expect your daughters to grow up to be shaped from the same mold !!!




"The apple not falling far from the tree" sums it up perfectly' in most cases, 15-20 years ago these girls mothers were out Whoring it up too.. Ahhh the circle of life!!

 

[Sprint5]

When he picks her up be cleaning a gun with a toothbrush and eating potatoes with a knife. That should make an impression really quick. Best of luck.

 

[Bogger]

when my kids mother was 15 I was hiding the sausage in her daisy patch.....

Lotta good points in this thread, if i could some it up quickly.........I would venture to say: "The apple never falls far from the tree"...In other words it would appear most of you are fine caring parents,and i would expect your daughters to grow up to be shaped from the same mold !!!




"The apple not falling far from the tree" sums it up perfectly' in most cases, 15-20 years ago these girls mothers were out Whoring it up too.. Ahhh the circle of life!!