Required: Sense of humor

[Ryano]

guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
0A
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, no body wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"

The guy off ers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."


Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"


"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"

 

[RMK Junky]

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love, and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face

 

[Ryano]

25 Things You Know If You Have A Son...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up in the air a few times, before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old boy.

11. Playdoh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a five-minute response time .

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid

 

[Ryano]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter ask "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off, or I'll kick the sh*t out of all of you!'"

St. Peter was impressed.
"When did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago"

 

[magnet]

thanks going to go try it now:d

 

[Ryano]

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he
> put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.' Soon a local redneck
> pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him
> to
> pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free
> sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The
> number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.' A week later, the same redneck,
> along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked
> for
> his free sex. The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number.
> The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
> You
> were close, but no free sex this time.' As they were driving away, the
> redneck said to his buddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't
> really give away free sex.' Bubba replied, 'No it ain't rigged. My wife
> won
> twice last week'.

 

[Ryano]

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow
beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our place
sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you
know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it
goes down? Tough sumbich.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazzard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up Tshirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over
the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swamp land so there
really wasn't any fire danger. I'll put it this way - a set of post
hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.

Anyway, one summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large
rotten oak stump in our backyard. I look over under the carport and
see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb
went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought it
would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner . . . lets face it... to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself ether really doesn't
"sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound
can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles) to add to the excitement.

At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can
of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around
the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie...1lb
pyrodex and 16oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker
you know? You know what? Screw that. I'm going back in the house
for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it
too. Now we're cookin'.

I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2stroke arrow. I drew the nock
to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow
launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my
dad getting out of the truck... OH ch!t! He just got home from work.
So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to
the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look
in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the
arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through
the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh. ch!t.

When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it
was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels= 20 of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog
full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight
turned purple. Let me repeat this...THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE! There
was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice
I said "was". That mother got up and ran off.

So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback "ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE DAMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!! His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the
driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and
there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard.
There is a Honda 185s 3
wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.

I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know- I
know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my
own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really
matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something,
felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I f elt a sharp pain,
blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so and
you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so
dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad can kill
him again. Thanks mom.

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again.
Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did
anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. And I still have some
sort of bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the beating.
Or both.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery.. Its good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.
Something they won't learn in school.

 

[Ryano]

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks they end up at the local brothel. The Madam takes one look at the 2 old geezers and whispers to her manager "Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed, these two are so old and drunk I'm not wasting two of my girls on them, they won't know the difference". The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says "Ya know, I think my girl was dead". "Dead?" says his friend "why do you say that?" "Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was lovin' her". His friend says "could be worse, I think mine was a witch". "A witch? - why the hell would you say that?" "Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window, takin' my teeth with her!"

 

[RMK Junky]

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years..
He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.' Some old men can still think fast.

 

[Ryano]

President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

'Hallo, President Bush' a heavily accented voice said. This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you eh!'

'Well Archie,' George replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'

'Right now,' said Archie, after a moments calculation 'there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!'

George paused... 'I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Holy jeez,' said Archie. 'I'll have ta call ya back!'

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. 'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be Archie?' George asked.

'Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor.'

President Bush sighed. 'I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.'

'Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye', said Archie, 'I'll be getting back to ya.'

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. 'President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!'

George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'

'Jeysus, Mary and Joseph,' said Archie, 'I'll have ta call youse back.'

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. 'President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war.'

'I'm sorry to hear that' said George. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'

'Well, sir,' said Archie, 'we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners.'

 

[Ryano]

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment
for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon
a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing
briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,
reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my
brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR
BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for
a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a
microwave oven.
I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we
must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.
In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day;
all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor


Then, in the evening , I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder
together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water.
(For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons).
Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because
MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and
urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great
sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel
movement may result'.
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may
experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but:
have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep
experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the
commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to
the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when
you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of
MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the
future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not
only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing
occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I
spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?
Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and
totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a
room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little
curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital
garments designed by sadist perverts; the kind that, when you put it on,
makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.
Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already
lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered
what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom,
so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no
choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where
Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17
000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was
seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began
hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was
Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that
could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be
the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time; the moment I had been dreading for
more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am
going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea! Really! I slept through it! One moment, ABBA was yelling,
'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was
back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I
felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my
colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an
internal organ.

 

[polarice]

The Lie Detector Robot
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector. Now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

 

[Ryano]

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,

but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.



You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card -

Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.



1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge

against the sorry bastard who made you sad.



2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.



3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.



4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.



5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be, until you quit whining.



6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.



7. When you are sick -- I will tell you to stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.



8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.



This is my oath....I pledge it to the end.



"Why?" you may ask.



"Because you're my friend!"



Friendship is like peeing your pants:



Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

 

[Hershey]

Subject: WALKING















The Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I h ear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.

You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them

 

[Mike270412]

Things To Not Say To a Cop

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

So, uh, you on the take, or what?

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean, 'Have I been drinking?' You're the trained specialist.

Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.

 

[magnet]

hunter was out hunting one day. had to do his buisness. set down his gun. along comes a big grizzly bear. The hunter is terrified and starts to run . away leaving his rifle behind. Obviously he cant outrun the bear and the bear easily catches up to him and knocks him to the ground. The hunter being a christian prays to god. Dear lord please make this bear a christian so that he might spare me my life. Just as he says the prayer the bear stops attacking him. He thinks wow it worked . Then he sees the bear sit on his back haunches put his hands together and begin to pray,
Dear lord thank you for this food.....

 

[my mod]

The Big Bad Wolf
said



“I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down”







The little pigs say

“F*#^ off or We’ll sneeze on you”

 

[my mod]

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed
And her husband says "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"

The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!

 

[my mod]

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
Decided to have some fun.. He told her to go home and blow into the
Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
Blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little
Harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'

 

[my mod]

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
My mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the
Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and
I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of
hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out
from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically...

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!'