Summit 934
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Required: Sense of humor
- Thread starter albertagal500
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Summit 934
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Summit 934
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Bnorth
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Why does the Swift driver speak such good English?
Summit 934
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Summit 934
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52weekbreak
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Haha. Applies to all of us. Think I will start carrying bottled water with me 
campingnut
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Haha. Applies to all of us. Think I will start carrying bottled water with me
I was just going to say something like that
52weekbreak
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My first thought was packing a bottle of vodka but that might be the problem sometimes
green-horn
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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for
their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's
yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man
reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is
Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again
the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to
always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When
I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had
to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a Million Dollars or something,
but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."
their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's
yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man
reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is
Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again
the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to
always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When
I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had
to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a Million Dollars or something,
but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."
green-horn
Active VIP Member
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells
him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to
ask you a few questions."He gets her name, address,
social security number, etc. and then asks,"What's
your occupation?"
"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "
Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says,
"I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have
to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to
ask you a few questions."He gets her name, address,
social security number, etc. and then asks,"What's
your occupation?"
"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "
Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says,
"I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have
to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
Bnorth
Active VIP Member
Sounds more like an NDP funded study than RCMP
doorfx
Active VIP Member
http://static.tinyletter.com/AZJunk/img/beam/3300713/1image00112.jpg
A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?"
The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia,.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."
"And what is this clothing you are wearing?” asked the boy. “This long flowing robe seems so …”
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body,”
The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?"
"These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches' keep us from burning our feet."
"So tell me then," added the boy.
"Yes, my son …"
"Why are you living in Dearborn Michigan and still wearing all this ****?!
A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?"
The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia,.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."
"And what is this clothing you are wearing?” asked the boy. “This long flowing robe seems so …”
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body,”
The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?"
"These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches' keep us from burning our feet."
"So tell me then," added the boy.
"Yes, my son …"
"Why are you living in Dearborn Michigan and still wearing all this ****?!
imdoo'n
Active VIP Member
- Moderator
- #3,738
The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry.
I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic,
I don't have time for the gums to get numb.
I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it!
We have a 10:00 am tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already...
I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!”
The dentist thought to himself, “Well, well, how about that, at last a golfer with real balls!!”
So the dentist asks him,
"Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth, honey, and show the dentist.”
I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic,
I don't have time for the gums to get numb.
I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it!
We have a 10:00 am tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already...
I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!”
The dentist thought to himself, “Well, well, how about that, at last a golfer with real balls!!”
So the dentist asks him,
"Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth, honey, and show the dentist.”
Joholio
Active VIP Member
This is funny... FREE KITTENS
A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.
Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her.
Out of the lead car stepped a stupid looking individual, with grinning like a circus clown.
"Hi there, little girl. I'm Justin Trudeau. What do you have in the basket?" he asked.
"Kittens," little Suzy said.
"How old are they?" asked Trudeau.
Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."
"And what kind of kittens are they?"
"Liberals," answered Suzy with a smile.
Trudeau was delighted.
As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that Trudeau should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So, the next day Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from CBC, CTV and Global.
Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Trudeau got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."
"Yes, sir," Suzy said. "They're Conservatives."
Taken by surprise, Trudeau stammered, "But...but...yesterday, you told me they were ." Liberals''!!!
Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open."
A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.
Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her.
Out of the lead car stepped a stupid looking individual, with grinning like a circus clown.
"Hi there, little girl. I'm Justin Trudeau. What do you have in the basket?" he asked.
"Kittens," little Suzy said.
"How old are they?" asked Trudeau.
Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."
"And what kind of kittens are they?"
"Liberals," answered Suzy with a smile.
Trudeau was delighted.
As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that Trudeau should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So, the next day Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from CBC, CTV and Global.
Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Trudeau got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."
"Yes, sir," Suzy said. "They're Conservatives."
Taken by surprise, Trudeau stammered, "But...but...yesterday, you told me they were ." Liberals''!!!
Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open."
52weekbreak
Active VIP Member
An Amazon review of a stun gun that has me in giggles. Think I may have met this guy.
http://twentytwowords.com/this-is-q...pc&utm_campaign=BJTrader7&utm_term=influencer
http://twentytwowords.com/this-is-q...pc&utm_campaign=BJTrader7&utm_term=influencer
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