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Required: Sense of humor
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green-horn
Active VIP Member
Where Did the White Man Go Wrong...
TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE:
Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water.
Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'
Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'
TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE:
Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water.
Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'
Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'
green-horn
Active VIP Member
was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a guy hiding behind
a gravestone.
I said, "Morning."
He replied, "No, just having a crap!"
a gravestone.
I said, "Morning."
He replied, "No, just having a crap!"
green-horn
Active VIP Member
DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat-while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what
this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat-while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what
this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
green-horn
Active VIP Member
A man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Calgary, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more.
"Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination."
"There's an annual salary of $65,000, but you're going to have to go to Swift Current, Saskatchewan. That's about 550 kilometers from here."
"Good grief, is that where the job is?"
"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now.
"Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination."
"There's an annual salary of $65,000, but you're going to have to go to Swift Current, Saskatchewan. That's about 550 kilometers from here."
"Good grief, is that where the job is?"
"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now.
whitegold
Active VIP Member
Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days..........
"When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to the corner store with a dollar, and I'd come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a box of tea, and a half a dozen eggs.
You can't do that now. Too many friggin' security cameras."
"When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to the corner store with a dollar, and I'd come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a box of tea, and a half a dozen eggs.
You can't do that now. Too many friggin' security cameras."
Attachments
whitegold
Active VIP Member
youngpolarisguy
Active VIP Member
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read:HUSBAND WANTED:MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),MUST NOT BEAT ME,MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. Two days later the doorbell rang. She opened the door, and much to her dismay, there sat a gray-haired gentleman in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. "Are you responding to my ad?" the woman asked. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" "Yes, I am," the man replied. The old lady sneered: "Just look at you. You have no legs !"The old gentleman smiled and said: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" "You don't have any arms, either!" she snorted. Again, the old man smiled, and softly replied: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" The wedding is set for Saturday.
my mod
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- Joined
- Oct 19, 2008
- Messages
- 1,188
- Reaction score
- 706
On holidays in India recently, I saw a sign that said : English speaking Taxi driver.
I thought, what a good idea, why don’t we have them in our f**king country?
I thought, what a good idea, why don’t we have them in our f**king country?
crazy_wheeler
Active VIP Member
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates When all of a sudden she hears the most awful,blood curdling screams.
Don't worry about that, says St. Peter, It's only someone having the holes drilled
in her shoulder blades for the wings. The old lady looks a little uncomfortable
But carries on with the conversation. A few minutes later, there are more blood
curdling screams.'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady,'now what is happening?'
'Not to worry,' says St. Peter,'She's just having her head drilled to fit the
halo.'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell. You can't go to that nasty place,
says St. Peter. You'll be raped and taken advantage of. 'Maybe so,' says the old lady,
But I've already got the holes for that.
Pearly Gates When all of a sudden she hears the most awful,blood curdling screams.
Don't worry about that, says St. Peter, It's only someone having the holes drilled
in her shoulder blades for the wings. The old lady looks a little uncomfortable
But carries on with the conversation. A few minutes later, there are more blood
curdling screams.'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady,'now what is happening?'
'Not to worry,' says St. Peter,'She's just having her head drilled to fit the
halo.'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell. You can't go to that nasty place,
says St. Peter. You'll be raped and taken advantage of. 'Maybe so,' says the old lady,
But I've already got the holes for that.
green-horn
Active VIP Member
I wrote a Biology exam last week. One of the questions was, Name something commonly found in a cell!
Apparently Indians is the wrong answer!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.
He replied, "She called Five Horses".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean .. . .
. . . NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"
Apparently Indians is the wrong answer!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.
He replied, "She called Five Horses".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean .. . .
. . . NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"
green-horn
Active VIP Member
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
green-horn
Active VIP Member
A friend of mine just started his own business, making land mines that look like prayer mats.
It’s doing well. He says Prophets are going through the roof.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now...
No Jesus
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women
No car races
No football
No Baseball
No soccer
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer!!!!!!!!
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
I mean, really, is there a mystery here?
It’s doing well. He says Prophets are going through the roof.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now...
No Jesus
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women
No car races
No football
No Baseball
No soccer
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer!!!!!!!!
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
I mean, really, is there a mystery here?
RETODD
Active VIP Member
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2008
- Messages
- 7,317
- Reaction score
- 210
- Location
- The business end of a Beer!
- Website
- www.valemountvacationrental.com
A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up my date at her parents’ home.
I’d scraped together enough money to take her to a very nice restaurant.
She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster. Champagne.
I asked her, “Does your mother feed you like this when you eat at home?”
“No,” she replied. “But my mother’s not expecting a bl*w job tonight.”
I said, "Enjoy"...
I’d scraped together enough money to take her to a very nice restaurant.
She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster. Champagne.
I asked her, “Does your mother feed you like this when you eat at home?”
“No,” she replied. “But my mother’s not expecting a bl*w job tonight.”
I said, "Enjoy"...
had to clean this one up a bit
2 homos were walkin down the street when one kicks a can and a genie appears, tells them they have one wish but gotta make it quick i gotta go, they him and haw but cant decide so genie says when you think of one let me know but i gotta go, so they keep walkin when all of a sudden a car load of black people pull up grab them blindfold them throw them in the trunk, a short time later they are unblindfolded only to see that they are in the woods with ropes around there necks hung up on to some trees, one black person asks them if they have any last requests, the one homo tells the other one to hurry up and use the wish from earlier he replies i all ready did i wished we were hung like black people
2 homos were walkin down the street when one kicks a can and a genie appears, tells them they have one wish but gotta make it quick i gotta go, they him and haw but cant decide so genie says when you think of one let me know but i gotta go, so they keep walkin when all of a sudden a car load of black people pull up grab them blindfold them throw them in the trunk, a short time later they are unblindfolded only to see that they are in the woods with ropes around there necks hung up on to some trees, one black person asks them if they have any last requests, the one homo tells the other one to hurry up and use the wish from earlier he replies i all ready did i wished we were hung like black people
green-horn
Active VIP Member
SISTER MARY ANN 'S GASOLINE
Sister Mary Ann , who worked for a home health agency, was out making
her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck
would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The
attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out,
but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on
the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to
her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful,
Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline,
and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Lutherans watched from
across the street.
One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'
Confucius say,
" Treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner, if she stops sucking, replace the bag."
Sister Mary Ann , who worked for a home health agency, was out making
her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck
would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The
attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out,
but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on
the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to
her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful,
Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline,
and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Lutherans watched from
across the street.
One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'
Confucius say,
" Treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner, if she stops sucking, replace the bag."
green-horn
Active VIP Member
Erections and Aging
Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says,
"Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees, if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand."
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders. You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds . They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says,
"Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees, if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand."
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders. You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds . They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
youngpolarisguy
Active VIP Member
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
green-horn
Active VIP Member
The Lone Ranger's Last Request
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...."In honor of the Harvest Festival,YOU will be executed in three days.""Before I kill you, I grant you three requests""What is your FIRST request ???'The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."The Chief nods and Silver is brought
before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent
and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse","But I will still kill you in two days.""What is your SECOND request ???"The Lone Ranger again asks to speak
to his horse.Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed."You are indeed a man of many talents,""But I will still kill you tomorrow.""What is your LAST request ???" The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says, Listen Very Carefully!!!!FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
I SAID ....
"BRING POSSE"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's word is.............. "Fluctuations"
I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was
trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller,
"Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today
I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...."In honor of the Harvest Festival,YOU will be executed in three days.""Before I kill you, I grant you three requests""What is your FIRST request ???'The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."The Chief nods and Silver is brought
before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent
and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse","But I will still kill you in two days.""What is your SECOND request ???"The Lone Ranger again asks to speak
to his horse.Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed."You are indeed a man of many talents,""But I will still kill you tomorrow.""What is your LAST request ???" The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says, Listen Very Carefully!!!!FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
I SAID ....
"BRING POSSE"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's word is.............. "Fluctuations"
I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was
trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller,
"Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today
I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"
youngpolarisguy
Active VIP Member
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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