Required: Sense of humor

[Bnorth]

A cowboy and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed. The clerk winked, 'You want the 'Bridal'?'

The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied,

Nope, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it.'

 

[Bnorth]

A man and his wife moved back home to Newfoundland, from Vancouver.
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in BC was $2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in Newfoundland, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Newfoundland to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in BC!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:
"Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00. "

I always did find the Newfoundland Logic far superior to most others.

 

[Bnorth]

A day at The Morgue...
Three dead bodies turn up at the morgue, all with big smiles on their faces. After the autopsy, the coroner informed the police of the results.

The coroner tells the detectives: "First body; An Italian, 60 died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile.

The second body; Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it on whiskey, died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The detective asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Danny Earl, the Newfie, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the policeman.
Says the coroner: "Thought he was having his picture taken..."

 

[Bnorth]

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great
seats
right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked
the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all
the big muscles,
but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25
cents!

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the
game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'

I'm like...Helloooooooooooooo? It's only 25 cents!

​

 

[PINKalicious]

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

 

[PINKalicious]

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

 

[dirtygirll]

Ah that last one PINK!! great.

 

[PINKalicious]

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body."

"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"

"No I'm a blonde", she replies.

"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor

 

[PINKalicious]

A wife asked her husband to describe her.He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.She said, 'What does that mean?'He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous Hot'.She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'He said, ' I'm Just Kidding'

 

[PINKalicious]

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?"The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"

 

[PINKalicious]

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

 

[AprilO]

Angry Yukon Sledder - YouTube

 

[PINKalicious]

A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

The cashier leaned over the counter and said:

"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"

 

[Summiteer]

Why'd the blonde have a bruised bellybutton?






Blonde boyfriend.........

 

[PINKalicious]

One day there was this blonde that pulled up to a gas station. She filled her car with gas then went to the gas station clerk. Then she asked him for a hanger. The clerk asked her why and she replied that she locked her keys in the car. So the clerk gave the blonde the hanger.
Thirty minutes later the clerks sees the same blonde outside. So the clerk decides to help them out.
The blonde says, “No thanks.”
All of a sudden there was another blonde in the car saying, “A little bit to the left.”

 

[polaris011]

why are redneck murders so hard to solve????

because the dna is all the same and there is never any dental records!!!!

 

[PINKalicious]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded $150. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The neurosurgeon exclaimed, 'I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing!"
[/FONT]

 

[underdog]

This item came from a recent Brush County Republican Women's meeting. The topic was the Texas conceal carry law. One of the speakers related the following story:

On the way to the previous monthly meeting, an elderly lady was stopped by a highway patrolman. He ask for her drivers licence and insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed it to the patrolman. In with the cards he was surprised to see she had a conceal carry permit. He looked at her and asked if she had a weapon in her possession at this time. She responded that she indeed had ..45 automatic in her glove box. Something, body language or the way she said it made him want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now he had to ask one more time if that was all, she responded once again she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. The officer then ask her what was she so afraid of?













She looked him right in the eye and said, "Not a damn thing!"

 

[PINKalicious]

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

 

[JaySimon]

What's the difference between three dicks and a joke?









Your mom can't take a joke.