Required: Sense of humor

my mod

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A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.
Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.



















He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

















So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party.













Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.








She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.













His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished... Naturally, (since he was her husband.)













Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.













Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.








She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.
He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."













- "Did you dance much ?"








- "You know, I never even danced one dance.. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."








 

whitegold

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You gotta get it straightened out. We all want to see the pictures.

This is my last shot at it..... image001.jpg I hope this shows up..... UG!!!
 

dodgeguy

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A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!":)
 

sledhead_2002

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There was this couple who where invited to a costume party. The husband didn't know what he wanted to go as so he had his wife pick out the costume for him. When he came home from work there was a Superman costume hanging and he says to his wife "Superman isn't black." The next day there was a Spiderman costume and the husband says "Spiderman isn't black." After another day at work, he comes home to find a Batman costume and says, "Batman isn't black." The wife became furious and decided to fix the problem. When the husband came home he askes the wife,"why are there are 3 white buttons, a white belt, and a 2x4. The wife exclaimes, every costume I have picked out for you you have critisized. So you can attach the the three buttoms and go as a domino, the white belt and go as an oreo cookie, or you can take that 2x4 and shove it up your *** and go as a chocolate fudge cycle
 

sledhead_2002

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hy Parents Drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? ' 'Is your daddy home?' ' Yes, he's out in the garden ,' whispered the small voice. 'May I talk with him?' The child whispered, ' No .' ; So the boss asked, 'Well, is your Mommy there?' ' Yes, she's out in the garden too '& The boss asked; 'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No .' Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?' ' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman.. ' Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?' ' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child. 'Busy doing what?' ' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men. ' Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?' ' It's a helicopter ' answered the whispering voice. 'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. ' The search team just landed a helicopter ' 'A search team?' said the boss. 'What are they searching for?' Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.... ' ME '
 

sledhead_2002

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This guy walks into a bar, and asks for a drink. About that time he notices the place is full of men dancing together, but its hot and he really needs a beer. The bartender starts to hand over a cold one and asks, "What is the name of your tool? Can't have a drink here unless it has a name." The guy asks the barkeep what he named his "Timex, it takes a licking and keeps on ticking."
so the guy think for a second ,and says,i named mine secret. the bartender askes why he named his tool secret? because its strong enough for a man but made for a woman!!!
 

sledhead_2002

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A man died and went to heaven. He saw a huge wall of clocks behind St. Peter.
"Why all the clocks"?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
...'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, she never told a lie.'
'Where's President Obama's clock?' asked the man.
Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.....
 

sledhead_2002

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Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.
"The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the WhiteHouse official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys!
How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.
""Done!" replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work..
 
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