Joke of the Day

[grnboyz]

Talking Clock


After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's up with the big brass gong?" one of his guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly a voice on the other side of the wall screamed ..
"You Idiot! It's three-fifteen in the morning!"

 

[Trashy]

Bwahahahahahahah......... I didn't think you'd do it Pol......LMFAO!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer. QT6 does not endorse any of the above advertising.



LOL

 

[polcat]

Bwahahahahahahah......... I didn't think you'd do it Pol......LMFAO!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer. QT6 does not endorse any of the above advertising.



LOL

oh I guess it wasn't you who said i should post it here, my mistake

 

[Trashy]

oh I guess it wasn't you who said i should post it here, my mistake

Ah chit......Lmao :d :d

 

[polcat]

Ah chit......Lmao :d :d

if this ship is goin down you're goin down with it. LOL!!

 

[Trashy]

if this ship is goin down you're goin down with it. LOL!!

Lmao......repped ya for it too, before it sinks. LOL

 

[polarice]

Bwahahahahahahah......... I didn't think you'd do it Pol......LMFAO!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer. QT6 does not endorse any of the above advertising.



LOL

suck up

 

[polarice]

Bwahahahahahahah......... I didn't think you'd do it Pol......LMFAO!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer. QT6 does not endorse any of the above advertising.



LOL

suck up lol

 

[Trashy]

suck up lol

Read down a little further polar........I'm sinking with the captain! LOL

 

[PEAK SEEKER]

Me thinks that if any more trouble maker's get in on this this ship's got a death wish!!!

 

[Trashy]

LOL......I think we killed it Pol!!! LOL

 

[polcat]

maybe this one will make up for the previous joke :d


He Said, She Said
He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said. . . A widow.

He said to me . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge

 

[PEAK SEEKER]

Clever...

 

[polcat]

LMAO !!!

Justin Bieber Gets Blown Up by a Semtex Video

 

[catmando]

> Nothing going right?
>
>
> A little guy is sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large,
> trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps
> it down in one swig.
>
>
> "Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as the
> little guy bursts into tears.
>
>
> "Come on, man," the biker says, " I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t
> stand to see a man crying."
>
>
> "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy.
>
> " I`m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting, and my Boss fired
> me. When I went to the car park, I found my car stolen and I don't
> have any insurance, I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found
> my wife in bed with the milk man and then my dog bit me.
>
>
> "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all
> . I buy a drink, drop the capsule in it and while I sit here
> watching the poison dissolve; a smart ass like you shows up and
> drinks the whole bloody lot.
It aint that bad!
catmando!

 

[grnboyz]

Great Italian Sex

The Jewish man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!”
The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for 10 minutes!”
The Italian man said, “Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil. We made love, and she screamed for over six hours!”
The other two were stunned. The amazed Frenchman asked, “What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?”


The Italian said.............”I wiped my hands on the bedspread.”

 

[whitegold]

Next time when you use those latex gloves you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked.

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

(Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working.

 

[arff]

The Rig Monkey
A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on
display. While he was there, a petroleum engineer from a nearby office
walked in and said to the storekeeper, 'I'll take a rig hand monkey
please.'

The storekeeper nodded, went to the side of the store, and took out a
monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it to the
engineer, saying, 'That'll be $2000.' The man paid and left with the
monkey.'

The surprised tourist went to the storekeeper and said, 'That was a very
expensive monkey. Most monkeys are only a few hundred dollars. Why did
that one cost so much?'

The storekeeper answered, 'Ah, that's a Rig Monkey. He can rig up, plan
rig moves, rewind motors, tail pipe, paint, pull maintenance, all with no
back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money.'

The tourist then spotted a monkey in another cage. 'That one's even more
expensive!! $10,000 !! What does it do??' he asked.


'Oh, that one' replied the storekeeper. ' That's a Rig Manager
monkey. It can instruct at levels of maintenance, run the safety
program, deal with clients, and even do some paper work. A very
useful monkey indeed.'

The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey
in a cage. The price tag was $50,000.
The shocked tourist exclaimed, 'This one costs more than all the
others put together !!. What in the world can it do??'.

'Actually,' said the shopkeeper, 'I've never really seen him do
anything but drink beer and play with his dick, but his papers say
he's a Consultant.'

 

[rknight111]

A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart store and asks,​

in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,​

"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"​

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,​

"Do you want a widdle white wabbit,or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" ​

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."​

 

[Sledpiggy]

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After 3 weeks in the garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain..'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

' Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless Tit?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?