Joke of the Day
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TheLonelyIsland
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dooryder
XP V.I.P. Member
that has nothing to do with it, i dont think jesus would aprove, and i dont think jesus like it when kits hump the grandma either, just wrong
TheLonelyIsland
Active VIP Member
yes it does , jesus had to have lived and be living for him not to approve! something that never exsisted or does not exsist does not have a say.
Mike270412
Golden Boy
This is a joke thread.You kids want to discuss Jesus start a new thread and I'm sure Bogger will participate!!
TheLonelyIsland
Active VIP Member
grnboyz
Active VIP Member
koby
Active VIP Member
If a catholic priest has a girlfriend.......does that make him a homosexual??????
grnboyz
Active VIP Member
GOLF PANTIES
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me. 'Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where at friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money at be able at affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit.
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me. 'Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where at friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money at be able at affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit.
grnboyz
Active VIP Member
Why do Sharks swim circles around you before attacking?
Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our finshowing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?
His wise father replied,
"Because they taste better without all the Chit stuck inside!"
Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our finshowing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?
His wise father replied,
"Because they taste better without all the Chit stuck inside!"
Last edited by a moderator:
Throttle*Queen
Active VIP Member
Redneck Driver's Application
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.
Last name: ________________
First name:
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray
[_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen[_] Billy-Jack
[_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle[_] Mother
[_] Son[_] Father [_] Daughter[_] Cousin
[_] Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
If you obtained a higher education what was yourmajor?
[_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
Vehicles you own and where you keep them:___
Total number of vehicles you own___
Number of vehicles that still crank___
Number of vehicles in front yard___
Number of vehicles in back yard___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Age you started drivin ______
(If over 10 are youare still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)
Firearms you own and where you keep them:____
truck ____ kitchen____ bedroom ____
bathroom/outhouse____ shed ____ pawnshop
Model and year of your pickup: _________ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:
Number of times you've seen a UFO___
Number of times you've seen Elvis___
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable
How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
Color of teeth:[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black[_] N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:[_] Red-Man [_] Skoal
How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.
Last name: ________________
First name:
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray
[_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen[_] Billy-Jack
[_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle[_] Mother
[_] Son[_] Father [_] Daughter[_] Cousin
[_] Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
If you obtained a higher education what was yourmajor?
[_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
Vehicles you own and where you keep them:___
Total number of vehicles you own___
Number of vehicles that still crank___
Number of vehicles in front yard___
Number of vehicles in back yard___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Age you started drivin ______
(If over 10 are youare still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)
Firearms you own and where you keep them:____
truck ____ kitchen____ bedroom ____
bathroom/outhouse____ shed ____ pawnshop
Model and year of your pickup: _________ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:
Number of times you've seen a UFO___
Number of times you've seen Elvis___
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable
How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
Color of teeth:[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black[_] N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:[_] Red-Man [_] Skoal
How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know
- Moderator
- #232
Sledpiggy
Active VIP Member
Not sure if you noticed, but this thread is in the women's section of the site... maybe you can take your women bashing jokes elsewhere. We don't appreciate them....
arcticdodge
Active VIP Member
Why are there no NEWFIES in Star Trek?
Because they don't work in the future either:d
Because they don't work in the future either:d
Throttle*Queen
Active VIP Member
Cinderella, Thumbalina and Shrek were talking together one day.
Cinderella- I think I am the prettiest
Thumbalina- I think I am the Smallest
Shrek- I think I am the ugliest
They go to the City Hall to talk to the mayor and see the book of World Records. Cinderella goes in and comes out happy.
Cinderella- I am the Prettiest
Thumbalina goes in and comes out happy.
Thumbalina- I am the smallest.
Shrek goes in and comes out confused and mad.
Shrek- Who the hell is Michael Jackson?
Cinderella- I think I am the prettiest
Thumbalina- I think I am the Smallest
Shrek- I think I am the ugliest
They go to the City Hall to talk to the mayor and see the book of World Records. Cinderella goes in and comes out happy.
Cinderella- I am the Prettiest
Thumbalina goes in and comes out happy.
Thumbalina- I am the smallest.
Shrek goes in and comes out confused and mad.
Shrek- Who the hell is Michael Jackson?
Throttle*Queen
Active VIP Member
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know,"
the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know,"
the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!
clint/KTM/16
Active VIP Member
Not sure if you noticed, but this thread is in the women's section of the site... maybe you can take your women bashing jokes elsewhere. We don't appreciate them....
Yes I noticed. but I also noticed it is a joke thread and it was just a joke.
Throttle*Queen
Active VIP Member
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
TheLonelyIsland
Active VIP Member
hahahahaha!! that is an awesome joke!!!!
Throttle*Queen
Active VIP Member
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
whitegold
Active VIP Member
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates, and a half bottle of scotch.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates, and a half bottle of scotch.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
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