Teenage Daughter Problem

[imdoo'n]

so in other words most of you wouldn't be happy is say a young lad showed up with a box of medlars tea products. he looks innocent to me.




all i have to say is your kids will be doing the same crap as you did, wanted to do etc. give them someone to talk to and don't be screaming at them. and unless you can be right at there side 24hrs a day, ya have to trust them, just be there if or when they fall. at 30 or so they will thank ya. until then yer the enemy or so it seems.

 

[mareshow]

Just to add a little different of an opinion to this thread,

What is your job as a parent? Not trying to be condescending here but I'm reading a lot of very interesting opinions in this. Isnt it in the mistakes that we make where we learn the most? Now i'm not saying let it happen, 16 to 13 is WAY too far apart but there are some different ways you can go to handle this.

1) Confrontation: You got a 13 year who probably thinks she knows almost everything to know, granted thats so not true it's not even funny but still she seems to think so. So what happens? She rejects your thinking, gets mad, over reacts, gets very emotional and rebels out of spite. Not exactly the result you were looking for

2) Support: in this situation this is CRAZY (DONT DO IT!), but if she thinks you think its a good idea maybe it wont be as "cool" anymore

3) Control: Lock 'er up till she's 21, Now i dont need to tell you this because i'm sure you already know but The ones that are controlled the most are the ones who usually far off the deep end the furthest.

4) Compromise: Say she can go IF you drive and they meet at least two other friends there.

5) Compromise Pt 2: There is obviously something in her life that she wants, (laptop, new phone, you get the idea) Make her sign a contract that you will get her said thing IF she doesnt hang out with this loser anymore. She hangs out with him or texts him or whatever, BOOM breach of contract and the thing is gone.

There are other options but those are the ones i could think of. Parenting isnt Black and White, and any parent who thinks they have control over their teenage children is naive, Their kids just dont tell them everything and have A LOT of secrets. Every Parent struggles with this and every situation is different. Your Child is forming a lot of their beliefs and values right now, most of them will mirror yours because they look up to you BUT Ultimately it is up to the individual kid to decide. Keep that in mind because EVERYTHING you do at this point is constantly being judged and the opinion/vision of what the see you do decides whether or not they continue to listen to you or not.

On a side note, if i have kids i hope i have all boys, it seems they would be so much easier haha

 

[mudd kitty]

I have 3 step kids and have been "dads girlfriend" for 6 years now. So far I run on "I trust you till you give me a reason not to". They are all pretty open with me maybe cause I'm not actually mom or dad. I also like to let them know how much I trust them and make it known that its up to them to keep that trust and make wise decisions because whatever decision that THEY CHOOSE to make has consequences and I also make those known just in case the little head is thinking for the big head.

I personally will lay it out for them. You have sex you get baby. You have unprotected sex you get herpes aids warts and ill probably follow up with embarrassing and graphic pictures of said STD's. Then personally I would probably let them go do their thing whether that be watch a movie, go swimming, hang out whatevs. Kids are going to do what they want no matter what you tell them or try to enforce. You can delay the said happenings ...... For a while but if they have their mind set on it its going to happen. You can try try try but in the end you will be proper fawked (or your daughter will.) And if u went about it in the right way she will talk to you about it. If you didn't then she will get pregnant and have an abortion all behind ur back because she was to scared to come talk to you about it.
Maybe it won't be that severe but sex at young ages has always been. Back, I mean waaaay back in the day girls were married at that age. Come ahead a bit and girls got pregnant at that age then their parents tried to hide it and sent them away for the pregnancy and birth and then the baby maybe grew up thinking its mother was it sister and grandma was its ma. Nowadays teens are pregnant and getting on TV series about it. So while it's a very controversial its pretty normal and happens allot more then we would all like to admit.

So good luck and just stress that you trust her to make good sound decisions. And if ch!t hits the fan you will be there no matter what .

Posted from my BlackBerry using BerryBlab

 

[RMK Junky]

I firmly believe in growing with your chidren, not against them. Communication is very key to gaining trust and respect from your kids. They get tired of the speeches and over whelming control as they grow. I know I did. Peer pressure is a real issue here also. Everybody raises their children so very differently. We as adults see and hear about this from time to time when children have issues with confusion from said peer pressure. Right from grade one to graduation our kids see and hear it every and all day from Monday to Friday. I remember this to ... don't you ?? I was raised differently and so was my wife. We took our knowledge from growing up and raised our three girls to our best judgement. This did work for the longest time until the all hit eleven teen. LOL. There were many heart to heart talks and lots of tears for a few years to come as judgements were made, some good and some bad. But that's a good thing to...learn from mistakes. We are here to try and guide our children in the right direction and tell the difference from right and wrong. They after all they will make the decision in the end but our little voice in their head might help them second guess into the right choice. My youngest will be 14 soon and she is very happy with life and with what's to come. The second oldest just turned 18. Has a job, graduated, and is now out on here own. She is a very independent girl and stands strong in her decissions. My oldest will be 21 in July. Her and my soon to be son inlaw (who is also a very level headed kid) have a wonderful baby girl who is just over a year. We see them raising my grand daughter with the same love and respect we had for her and her sisters. She comments from time to time on how she was an ass growing up. Now that she is a parent it has finally come full circle. I love that but life has a sence of raw humour. You don't know how successful you were in raising your children until they themselves have kids. Right from day one I've allways told my girls I'd take a bullet and protect them from harm because it can be disguised in many forms. My oldest understands that 100% now.....

So all in all with lifes ups and downs which we as parents have to deal with along with our children you have to be there for them. Let your kids know they can talk to you with all problems and growing concerns. I can't stress this enough. Some might be dad talks, others will need a mothers perspective. But talk, that's key. Repect and consider their opinions because ours/your children will have them, I guarrantee it. Explain right from wrong without a yelling match and everyone getting mad. Resolves nothing. We all know in our hearts what's wrong and right but the temtation of it all is to over whelming for kids to choose right, so be there for them

 

[T-team]

You approved Trent, the quiz can't be that tough....

I think the TSN turning point was the sasquatch costume

It would appear I have some nut kicking to do.....Hope you guys are going to the jamboree...I know the squatch is... SLEEP TIGHT!

 

[Bogger]

I'll have to take a raincheck.... won't be around for the camp out, maybe mountain mania would work... or if your impatient I can schedule you in for the sled show chit show in October.

It would appear I have some nut kicking to do.....Hope you guys are going to the jamboree...I know the squatch is... SLEEP TIGHT!

 

[T-team]

You approved Trent, the quiz can't be that tough....

I think the TSN turning point was the sasquatch costume

I'll have to take a raincheck.... won't be around for the camp out, maybe mountain mania would work... or if your impatient I can schedule you in for the sled show chit show in October.

Ya that works. Ill kick you in the balls then.

 

[Ms. Swimmer]

How are things going at your house BF?

 

[Deano670]

Ya that works. Ill kick you in the balls then.

You'll be to drunk to get your feet off the ground. Lift one you'll just fall over LOL

 

[Bogger]

I saw him try to pizz his name in the snow while drunk..... ended up like this.....MAXWELL

I should have found this strange but I did not....

You'll be to drunk to get your feet off the ground. Lift one you'll just fall over LOL

 

[Iron Horse Racing]

Wow read the whole thing....some great advice and comments....
My daughter is 21 and my stepdaughter is 20 both very different individuals but both went through that age with similar draws from the boys....
We also have a 24 year old son and a 18 year old son.....

My opinion....no way would I let the 16 year old date a 13 year old....or even hang out...I’ll get to a story about a 20 year old boy trying to date my then 16 year old stepdaughter....

I started the rules early, they were told no dating until 14 and that would be hanging out with others in a supervised activity, 16 was the age for dating....

Both tried real hard to convince me otherwise, there are times to concede but not this one....

I started this when my kids were real young, I encouraged them to have their friends over to our place built play areas, jungle gyms inside and out, forts and snow quinces...When they got older and we were back on a farm, they had bomb fires and sleep over’s, Boys in the garage and girls in the house....told both sexes try to sneak out or in and I’ll know.....no one was ever allowed to sleep over if I didn’t have a conversation with their parents...any kid caught breaking my rules your parents are called and they have to come pick you up......a few kids tried and yes their parents had to come get them....pretty much an even mix of the girl and the boys tried sneaking out....nothing a very well trained dog can’t handle....gotta luv heard dogs.....Even my own kids couldn’t get past her.....
As they got older 17 – 18 to date....the deal is they camp out by the bomb fire pit, keys come into the house and no one gets their keys back unless we agree they’re okay to drive..
They come over drive quads, ride horse’s, hay rides; have had bands in the garage....and we serve them breakfast in the morning....several of them keep coming back and have even volunteered to help do chores...
My thoughts....sure the rules were tough and inflexible, but they keep coming back and have had several of the parents come by to see what is going on so like many have said keep them busy, give them things to do both chores and fun activities get involved ....and they’ll livewith some rules....

 

[Iron Horse Racing]

Now for the 16 -20 story

Step daughter sneaks out at 16 and meets some friend of afriend that takes her for a ride on his crotch rocket that he just bought andhasnt owned a bike before, we found out from the post on her face book page....theolder daughter was a friend then....apparently she both liked and hated theride at 170 km she wanted him to slow down.....
After the grounding and extra chores for sneaking out, wesaid no way to dating a 20 year old.....
Told the step daughter if they were to be a real couplewe should meet his parents...I had hoped it won’t come to that and it didn’t,as I had a plan to make fun of him in front of his parents...might not have beenreal smart but fortunately it never came to that, there was no way he was bringhis parents into it...he came by and parked on the rode a couple of timestrying to get our daughter to sneak out...I used that to show her what kind ofguy she was dealing with....the third time I went out, came up behind himreached in the window and took his keys away....lots of things I wanted todo....but I promised him this was his last chance....he never came back....Iknow he tried calling her, but she finally came to her senses and saw him forwhat he was....
The whole ordeal took a few years off me and the wife asit stretched out almost 4 months...
Good luck stay focused on the prize... tell them and showthem how much you care....

 

[Snow Angel]

I saw him try to pizz his name in the snow while drunk..... ended up like this.....MAXWELL

I should have found this strange but I did not....

There's something wrong when that doesn't even phaze ME anymore...........

 

[tex78]

I saw him try to pizz his name in the snow while drunk..... ended up like this.....MAXWELL

I should have found this strange but I did not....

Baaaaaaaaaaaa that's awsome.

U should have taken a pic of that chit


sent from my htc

 

[imdoo'n]

Baaaaaaaaaaaa that's awsome.

U should have taken a pic of that chit


sent from my htc

dam tex urine not shheeet.

 

[Puba]

Only if she drinks like her mom......

Oh boy this thread freaks me out, my red headed 7 yr old will give me just as much grief im sure.

 

[Snow Angel]

Baaaaaaaaaaaa that's awsome.

U should have taken a pic of that chit


sent from my htc

There's a few floating around somewhere..

 

[sumsupport]

Just read an interesting article on this. Doesn't apply at 13 years old of course, but still an interesting read. Basically says we dramatize sex, make it this taboo thing that our kids have to hide, and that by 16-17 it should just be natural and still somewhat controlled by the parents. At least that's my take after skimming quickly through it, lol.

 

[SledMamma]

Just read an interesting article on this. Doesn't apply at 13 years old of course, but still an interesting read. Basically says we dramatize sex, make it this taboo thing that our kids have to hide, and that by 16-17 it should just be natural and still somewhat controlled by the parents. At least that's my take after skimming quickly through it, lol.

In many European countries teenage sex is widely accepted and the parent's job is to encourage it to happen in a safe way, within healthy emotional long-term relationships. Interestingly, they have a much lower teenage pregnancy rate. I learned this as I was doing some reading and dramatizing over my daughter's jump into dating. It's a hard pill to swallow at this point, but I do believe that just as many issues have had their day In the sun (ie; gay/lesbian rights and acceptance) this idea will also soon emerge and become more and more accepted.

Interesting...

 

[sumsupport]

ok, finally finished the whole article. Like how it ended.

Her book is as much about intimacy as it is about sex, Schalet says, citing that Dutch surveys find that by age 14, 90 per cent of Dutch boys say they have been in love. “Clearly it’s not the kind of love a 25-year-old feels,” she says. “But that is how they describe their feelings.” Even in the U.S., many boys say they don’t want to have sex until they’re in a relationship, she says. “But they feel that makes them different than what boys are supposed to feel. So they feel isolated.” Isolation is a theme surrounding teen sex and relationships, Schalet observes. “And that’s very sad.”
She’d like to see the end of the myths that girls are only supposed to love and are never given any legitimacy for their sexual desires and that boys are vessels for biological impulses and aren’t credited with any emotional desires. Dutch teens said they enjoyed togetherness as much as sex, she notes.
Rayne doesn’t believe the divide between parents and children is as big as it appears. “Parents all say that they want their children to have a healthy sex life, to be sexually balanced—not now, but in the future,” she says. “But it’s not like children get this magical knowledge at age 18.”
Adolescents, like all human beings, have “skin hunger,” the need to be touched and to touch, Rayne says. “But many teenagers have only one model for this: intercourse. So having conversations about sensuality rather than sex can go a long way.” And parents want to forge close bonds with their teenagers, and to have influence over them, she believes. “But they do all of these controlling things that put them at odds with their teenager rather than drawing them in closer.”
That’s what motivated Redgrave seven years ago. Allowing her daughter’s boyfriend to sleep over wasn’t simply about condoning sex, she says, it was about helping her to make an important transition to adulthood. “It’s about respecting intimacy, developing it at an early age and learning to appreciate it.” And that requires communication, as Schalet observes, which begins with starting a conversation many parents don’t want to have.