Required: Sense of humor

[Joholio]

Justin Trudeau was visiting a primary school in Rocky Mountain House and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Trudeau if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious Party Leader asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Trudeau, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Trudeau. "That's what we would call great loss."
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Trudeau searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath. In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Trudeau was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Trudeau, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!"

 

[Joholio]

i know theres an f-bomb in there mods, but damn thats funny **** right thar

 

[Summitric]

But the picture has 4 nurses... What did she doo ? Lmfao


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[Joholio]

But the picture has 4 nurses... What did she doo ? Lmfao


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Film crew? Also....Who took the pic?

 

[eclipse1966]

don't watch this video…… repeat don't watch this video if you cant take cheesiness LOL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_8EtNaqIbI

 

[Steve D]

And yet it's not worse than Superman vs Batman. (Free, didn't waste two hours of my life...)

 

[52weekbreak]

Liked the video which then led to the Indian Chuck Norris which led to Top 10 Chuck Norris moments...Hahhahhahhhahhahhahhhahhhahha Thank you come again!

 

[tripster]

A young woman knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?" asked the priest.
The woman said, "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at the woman, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake

 

[WCTHEMI]

Hope this one is ok.

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[52weekbreak]

Hope this one is ok.

I deau no. Maybe OK.

 

[Joholio]

A husband and wife are driving home and run over a otter, they get out and find its still breathing but freezing cold.
The husband says "Put it between your legs to warm it up"
Wife replies "But its all wet and it stinks!"
Husband says "Well hold its nose then!".

 

[eclipse1966]

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on ebay any more), tossed the Don't Tread on Me flag and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door. I gave the pit bull to my mother in law and stored my A K. 47. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.



Instead of all that silly stuff I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on ebay) and ran it up the flag pole



Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I've NEVER felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.



Plus, I bought burkas for my family. when we shop or travel everyone moves out of the way and security can't pat us down.



Hot Damn — Safe at last — Is America getting greater every day or what?

 

[tripster]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
One of the women rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help, I am a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d just allow me!” she told him earnestly.
“Ummph, oooh, nnnoo, I’ll be alright…I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
The woman takes it upon herself to begin to “ease his pain”. She began to massage his groin. After 10 minutes she asked, “Does that feel better?”
The man looked up at her and replied, “Yes, that feels pretty good…. but my thumb still hurts like hell!

 

[winterax]

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.







The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. 

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door ... only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't running. 

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.



Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it... Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.







A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying ... and wasn't drunk. 
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...



‘Look Paddy ... there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'


 

[rebel]

https://youtu.be/AF_nfazQaek

 

[pfi572]

Check out this video on YouTube:

This is one seriously evil girlfriend - Funny prank LOL ! - YouTube

 

[rebel]

Just Think ~If Trump wins the election it'll be the first time in history that a billionaire moved into public housing vacated by a black family

 

[rebel]

Did I read that sign right?TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOWIn a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an Office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a second hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park:ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR Notice in a farmer's field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ,THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and DaughterThis one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!They put in a correction the next day. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert SaysReally? Ya think?----------------------------------------------------------------------------Police Begin Campaign to Run Down JaywalkersNow that's taking things a bit far!-----------------------------------------------------------Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes OverWhat a guy!---------------------------------------------------------------Miners Refuse to Work after DeathGood-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!------------------------------------------------------Juvenile Court to Try Shooting DefendantSee if that works any better than a trial by adults !----------------------------------------------------------War Dims Hope for PeaceI can see where it might have that effect!------------------------------------------------------------If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last AwhileYa think?!------------------------------------------------------------Cold Wave Linked to TemperaturesWho would have thought!-------------------------------------------------------------Enfield( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect HomicideThey may be onto something!-------------------------------------------------------------Red Tape Holds Up New BridgesYou mean there's something stronger than duct tape?----------------------------------------------------------Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery ChargeHe probably IS the battery charge!----------------------------------------------New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test GroupWeren't they fat enough?!-----------------------------------------------Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in SpacecraftThat's what he gets for eating those beans!---------------------------------Kids Make Nutritious SnacksDo they taste like chicken?****************************Local High School Dropouts Cut in HalfChainsaw Massacre all over again!********************************Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot DoctorsBoy, are they tall! ******************************And the winner is....Tornado Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds DeadDid I read that right?

 

[52weekbreak]

Quote from my Grandmother (RIP) who had a quote for this day every year: "Hey hey its the first of May! Outdoor screwingt starts today!" She was one funny lady

 

[rgashkei]

Did I read that sign right?TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOWIn a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an Office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a second hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park:ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR Notice in a farmer's field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ,THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and DaughterThis one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!They put in a correction the next day. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert SaysReally? Ya think?----------------------------------------------------------------------------Police Begin Campaign to Run Down JaywalkersNow that's taking things a bit far!-----------------------------------------------------------Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes OverWhat a guy!---------------------------------------------------------------Miners Refuse to Work after DeathGood-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!------------------------------------------------------Juvenile Court to Try Shooting DefendantSee if that works any better than a trial by adults !----------------------------------------------------------War Dims Hope for PeaceI can see where it might have that effect!------------------------------------------------------------If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last AwhileYa think?!------------------------------------------------------------Cold Wave Linked to TemperaturesWho would have thought!-------------------------------------------------------------Enfield( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect HomicideThey may be onto something!-------------------------------------------------------------Red Tape Holds Up New BridgesYou mean there's something stronger than duct tape?----------------------------------------------------------Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery ChargeHe probably IS the battery charge!----------------------------------------------New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test GroupWeren't they fat enough?!-----------------------------------------------Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in SpacecraftThat's what he gets for eating those beans!---------------------------------Kids Make Nutritious SnacksDo they taste like chicken?****************************Local High School Dropouts Cut in HalfChainsaw Massacre all over again!********************************Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot DoctorsBoy, are they tall! ******************************And the winner is....Tornado Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds DeadDid I read that right?

Pretty funny that this post is about grammar, punctuation and proof reading yet it is really hard to read. haha