Required: Sense of humor
- Thread starter albertagal500
- Start date
green-horn
Active VIP Member
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him...
Are you ready for this?
Sum Ting Wong
the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him...
Are you ready for this?
Sum Ting Wong
green-horn
Active VIP Member
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to
the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will
be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?"
asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
a salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered
me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!"
"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big a$$ and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to
the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will
be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?"
asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
a salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered
me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!"
"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big a$$ and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."
green-horn
Active VIP Member
A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in
bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne
of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales
of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door
and into the barn.
She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly
and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old
carpenter's saw.
The banged-up-cheater was terrified and hollered, "Stop! Stop!
You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in
her husband's hand and said ......
"Nope....You are!
I'm gonna burn down the Barn!"
bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne
of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales
of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door
and into the barn.
She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly
and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old
carpenter's saw.
The banged-up-cheater was terrified and hollered, "Stop! Stop!
You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in
her husband's hand and said ......
"Nope....You are!
I'm gonna burn down the Barn!"
green-horn
Active VIP Member
Costco Doctor
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about
it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Costco."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Costco!
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about
it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Costco."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Costco!
green-horn
Active VIP Member
After being married for thirty years....a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her slowly...then said,
"You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks..... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely.....What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
His eye is still swollen....but it will get better....
He looked at her slowly...then said,
"You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks..... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely.....What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
His eye is still swollen....but it will get better....
green-horn
Active VIP Member
Drafting men over 60
(This is funny and obviously written by a former soldier)
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry." We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some a-hole that desperately deserves it, will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. As most of us are married, we're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling..
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
How about recruiting women over 50 .....in menopause! You think men have attitudes! Bloody hell, you ain't seen nothing yet!
If nothing else, put them on border patrol.... They'll have it secured the first night!
(This is funny and obviously written by a former soldier)
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry." We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some a-hole that desperately deserves it, will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. As most of us are married, we're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling..
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
How about recruiting women over 50 .....in menopause! You think men have attitudes! Bloody hell, you ain't seen nothing yet!
If nothing else, put them on border patrol.... They'll have it secured the first night!
green-horn
Active VIP Member
The Agony of Dyslexia
After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit
my dyslexic friend.
He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!
After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit
my dyslexic friend.
He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!
green-horn
Active VIP Member
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
ferniesnow
I'm doo-ing it!
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2008
- Messages
- 112,541
- Reaction score
- 86,586
- Location
- beautiful, downtown Salmon Arm, BC
Could read the above Thanksgiving wishes so i thought this would get a laugh.....
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?' The boy replied, 'What turkey?' The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.' The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!' The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?' The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!' |
underdog
Active VIP Member
OH! HELL!!! ... Let's Offend Everybody!
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar.
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong .
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal . along with a recipe.
Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins, ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shitt.'
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are already in the United States
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar.
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong .
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal . along with a recipe.
Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins, ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shitt.'
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are already in the United States
eclipse1966
Active VIP Member
Q: why do they call it wonder bra?
A: because when you take her bra off you wonder where her boobs went
Q: why do dwarfs laugh when playing soccer?
A: because the grass tickles their balls
A: because when you take her bra off you wonder where her boobs went
Q: why do dwarfs laugh when playing soccer?
A: because the grass tickles their balls
Bnorth
Active VIP Member
When my doctor asked me about what I did yesterday, I told him about my day: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, marched up and down a steep hill, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake" Inspired by my story, the doctor said, "You must be an awesome outdoorsman!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a shitty golfer."
Bnorth
Active VIP Member
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.. There was only silence at the other end of the line,
so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet
he felt like an idiot.
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.. There was only silence at the other end of the line,
so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet
he felt like an idiot.
Bnorth
Active VIP Member
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: -
'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister,
and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>
Money can't buy you happiness ....
But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things
that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress..
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ..
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
<><>
Bnorth
Active VIP Member
| The best excuse given by a lady for missing office on Monday ! "My husband took overdose of Viagra... Couldn't leave him alone with the Maid " |
Bnorth
Active VIP Member
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through
all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family
who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells,
cards and gifts of all types and values.
At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young blonde in
a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door
(which she closed behind him) and led him up the stairs to the bedroom -- where
they had a most passionate liaison. Afterwards, they went downstairs where she
fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and
fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup
of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from
under the cup's bottom edge.
"..All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, ......."but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day
and that we should do something special for you so I asked him what to give you?"
He said, "Screw him ........give him a dollar."
She then blushed and added, "but the breakfast was my idea!"
all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family
who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells,
cards and gifts of all types and values.
At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young blonde in
a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door
(which she closed behind him) and led him up the stairs to the bedroom -- where
they had a most passionate liaison. Afterwards, they went downstairs where she
fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and
fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup
of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from
under the cup's bottom edge.
"..All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, ......."but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day
and that we should do something special for you so I asked him what to give you?"
He said, "Screw him ........give him a dollar."
She then blushed and added, "but the breakfast was my idea!"
ferniesnow
I'm doo-ing it!
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2008
- Messages
- 112,541
- Reaction score
- 86,586
- Location
- beautiful, downtown Salmon Arm, BC
This is a very oldie but a goodie......
A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there was a fortune in horse racing,
so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep that he wound up buying a donkey instead.
He figured, that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise,
in the first race his mule came in third. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline......
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased, he entered the mule in another race. This time it won and the paper said.....
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity, he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in
another race. The new headline said......
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher
gave it to a nun in a near convent. The headline the next day said.....
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He told the nun she would have to dispose of the the donkey. She finally
found a farmer who would take it off her hands for $10.00. The paper read......
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS
They buried the Bishop the next day.
A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there was a fortune in horse racing,
so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep that he wound up buying a donkey instead.
He figured, that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise,
in the first race his mule came in third. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline......
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased, he entered the mule in another race. This time it won and the paper said.....
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity, he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in
another race. The new headline said......
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher
gave it to a nun in a near convent. The headline the next day said.....
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He told the nun she would have to dispose of the the donkey. She finally
found a farmer who would take it off her hands for $10.00. The paper read......
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS
They buried the Bishop the next day.
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