Required: Sense of humor

[my mod]

The price of Gas versus Printer Ink

All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....

You will be really shocked by the last one!
(At least, I was...)

Compared with Gasoline......

Think a gallon of gas is expensive? It is, but could be worse---Read On!

This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ......... $10..00 per gallon

Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source

(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?

So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............
(you won't believe it....but it is true........)
$5,200 a gal. (that's five thousand two hundred dollars a gallon!)

So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

 

[Summitric]

Why I'm divorced.
> >>>
> >>>> Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that
> >>>> morning..
> >>>>
> >>>> I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and
> >>>> say,
> >>>> 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.
> >>>>
> >>>> As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy
> >>>> Birthday.'
> >>>>
> >>>> I thought....
> >>>>
> >>>> Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids....They will remember.
> >>>>
> >>>> My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word..
> >>>> So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat
> >>>> despondent.
> >>>>
> >>>> As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss,
> >>>> and by the way Happy Birthday!'
> >>>> It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
> >>>> I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You
> >>>> know,
> >>>> It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you
> >>>> say we go out to lunch,
> >>>> just you and me..'
> >>>> I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
> >>>> Let's go !'
> >>>> We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
> >>>> She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table.
> >>>> We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
> >>>> On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a
> >>>> beautiful day...
> >>>> We don't need to go straight back to the office. Do We?'
> >>>> I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'
> >>>> She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.'
> >>>> After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
> >>>> 'Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a
> >>>> moment.
> >>>> I'll be right back.’
> >>>> 'Ok.' I nervously replied.
> >>>> She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out
> >>>> carrying a huge birthday cake...
> >>>> Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
> >>>> all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
> >>>>
> >>>> And I just sat there....
> >>>> On the couch....
> >>>> Naked.

 

[Bnorth]

How many Edmonton Oilers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?







25, one to change the lightbulb and 24 to talk about how good the old one was.

 

[JaySimon]

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

I dunno, it's probably some number you've never heard of.

 

[youngpolarisguy]

A Canuck walking along the beach finds a strange-looking bottle, picks it up, and rubs it clean.

Out of the bottle pops a genie who says: “I am the genie of this bottle and for setting me free I will grant you three wishes.”

The canuck thinks about this offer for a minute and then says: “I could go for a nice cold beer.”

Suddenly, *poof*, a bottle of Molson Canadian appears in his hand. The canuck takes a swig from the bottle, then another and another.

The genie, who is starting to get impatient, says: “Well? What are your other two wishes?”

The canuck says: “Wait! Let me finish this beer first.”

The genie says: “No, you don’t understand! That is a bottomless beer. It will never go empty.”

The canuck looks at the genie, and then looks at the beer and finally says: “I’ll take two more of these!”

 

[youngpolarisguy]

There’s three Canadians; One Guy from British Columbia, one from Alberta, and one from Ontario.

All are in heaven and God tells them that they can have a second chance at life. All they have to do is go to the edge of the cloud, say out loud what they want to be and jump off.

The guy from British Columbia runs to the edge of the cloud, screams “Doctor” and jumps off.

The other two guys look over the edge of the cloud and sure enough the guy from British Columbia is a wealthy doctor with a nice life.

So the guy from Alberta runs to the edge of the cloud, screams “Lawyer” and jumps off. The guy from Ontario looks over the edge and sure enough the guy from Alberta is living a great life as a lawyer.

So the guy from Ontario runs like mad to the edge of the cloud, but then trips and hurts his leg as he jumps. He grabs his leg while he is falling and yells: “sucker!“

 

[youngpolarisguy]

A Canadian gets drunk and decides to go ice fishing. (This happens about as often as you would think, ie, all the damn time.) He takes his pole and tackle and goes out on the ice and starts to chop a hole in it. Suddenly he hears a great booming voice coming from above him.

“THERE’S NO FISH THERE.”

Startled, the Canadian looks around but can’t see where the voice came from. So he staggers a few metres away to a different spot, and again starts chopping a hole in the ice. And AGAIN, the voice booms out.

“THERE’S NO FISH THERE.”

The Canadian is spooked, but we’re a stubborn people. So he gathers up his gear and staggers to a third spot on the ice. He raises his ice axe, but before he can even start chopping he hears the voice again.

“THERE’S NO FISH THERE EITHER!”.

The Canadian looks up and shouts “God? Is that you?”

“NO. THIS IS THE ARENA MANAGER.”

 

[Iron Horse Racing]

The price of Gas versus Printer Ink

All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....

You will be really shocked by the last one!
(At least, I was...)

Compared with Gasoline......

Think a gallon of gas is expensive? It is, but could be worse---Read On!

This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ......... $10..00 per gallon

Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source

(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?

So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............
(you won't believe it....but it is true........)
$5,200 a gal. (that's five thousand two hundred dollars a gallon!)

So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

Very interesting .....but until our farm starts consuming 500 L of scope per month I'm going to keep complaining about the cost of fuel

 

[underdog]

Very interesting .....but until our farm starts consuming 500 L of scope per month I'm going to keep complaining about the cost of fuel

500 L per month? We go through that in a day!

Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk

 

[Cyle]

ch!t on a good month I put 500L of diesel threw my pickup.....

 

[modmanmike]

ch!t on a good month I put 500L of diesel threw my pickup.....

got my new truck on feb 16th and already put 1800llitres through it.

 

[my mod]

STEPHEN HARPER was visiting an Ontario primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related

to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Harper if he would like to lead the discussion on

the word 'Tragedy'.




So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'.

A little boy stood up and offered:

If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playin' in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.

Incorrect, said Harper. That would be an accident.

A little girl raised her hand:

If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.

'I'm afraid not', explained Harper, that's what we would refer to as a great loss''

The room went silent. No other children volunteered.

Harper searched the room.

Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?

Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand and said:

If a plane carrying you and Mr. Ignatieff and Mr. Layton and Mr. Duceppe were struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.

Fantastic, exclaimed Harper, and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?

Well, said Johnny, it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a f-cking accident either!

 

[Summitric]

Indian Wanting Coffee:

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
In one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:


"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee......
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
Turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere And then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter


"Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.
What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says,

"Training for position in Canadian government caucus:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
Leave ch!t for others to clean up,
Disappear for rest of day."

 

[Iron Horse Racing]

ch!t on a good month I put 500L of diesel threw my pickup.....

500 L per month? We go through that in a day!

Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk

got my new truck on feb 16th and already put 1800llitres through it.

Still doing that after all these years....500 Gallons...

either way it's still alot of Scope....

 

[youngpolarisguy]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

 

[youngpolarisguy]

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

 

[youngpolarisguy]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

 

[mudd kitty]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen! "Careful" he says "CAREFULL!!! Put in some more butter! OMG your cooking to many at once!!! TOO MANY!!! Turn them TURN THEM!!! Turn them NOW!!!! We need more butter!! MORE BUTTER!! They're going to stick!! Careful CAREFUL!! I said be fawkin careful!!!! You never listen to me when ur cooking! Never! Hurry and turn them!!! SALT!! Don't forget the salt!!! You always forget the salt!! Are u crazy!! Have u LOST ur mind!!! SALT!!!! " The wife stared at him " what in the world is wrong with you? You think I can't fry a couple eggs?". The husband calmly replied, " I just wanted to show u what it feels like when I'm driving. "

Posted from my BlackBerry using BerryBlab

 

[heavy d]

funny

 

[Cyle]

What did the egg say to the boiling water? I may take a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chicken.