clint/KTM/16
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What do you see when you look into a blondes eyes?
The back of her head.
The back of her head.
Required: Sense of humor
- Thread starter albertagal500
- Start date
my mod
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- Oct 19, 2008
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- 706
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.
A woman had been in a coma for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.
They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral Sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.'
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses ran back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said, "I'm not sure; maybe she choked."
A woman had been in a coma for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.
They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral Sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.'
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses ran back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said, "I'm not sure; maybe she choked."
RETODD
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- Feb 20, 2008
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- 7,317
- Reaction score
- 210
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- The business end of a Beer!
- Website
- www.valemountvacationrental.com
A Cardiologist's Funeral
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart..
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the
doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart
opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the
doctor in the beautiful heart forever..
At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral... I'm a gynecologist.
The priest fainted
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart..
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the
doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart
opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the
doctor in the beautiful heart forever..
At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral... I'm a gynecologist.
The priest fainted
my mod
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A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne,when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down,walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to ch!t all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on ?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne,when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down,walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to ch!t all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on ?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
RETODD
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[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rw2b8ENc_Ak[/YOUTUBE]
polarice
Active VIP Member
effed up lol
RETODD
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Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do." They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed." The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good." The bouncer said, "OK, come on in." The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,"What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?" The woman with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a f-------- Chihuahua?!"
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do." They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed." The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good." The bouncer said, "OK, come on in." The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,"What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?" The woman with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a f-------- Chihuahua?!"
whitegold
Active VIP Member
Do you know what happened 160 years ago this fall.. Back in 1850?
California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically nothing has changed except, then the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.
That, my friends, is your history lesson for today ...........
California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically nothing has changed except, then the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.
That, my friends, is your history lesson for today ...........
Attachments
polarice
Active VIP Member
dont care who ya are that right there is funny
whitegold
Active VIP Member
my mod
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The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.
Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'
When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class..
A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.
And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.
Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'
When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class..
A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.
And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.
my mod
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Advice for all new Muslim immigrants :
If you are trapped in a burning house
or have been seriously injured and are
bleeding to death,
the new emergency number is:-
0846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322084638712086665812093871537610086651
3124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699
1233241657490768554109283657389999566322473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956630846387120866658120938715376100
8665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389
9995663224735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566308463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912
3324165749076855410928365738999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663224735270674586991233241
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999
9566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956632208463871208666581
2093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632247352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956630846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322084638712086665812093871
5376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473
5270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956630846387120866658120
9387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389
9995663224735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566308463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912
3324165749076855410928365738999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663224735270674586991233241
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999
9566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956632208463871208666581
2093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632247352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956630846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322084638712086665812093871
3124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699
1233241657490768554109283657389999566322473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956630846387120866658120938715376100
8665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389
9995663224735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566308463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912
3324165749076855410928365738999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663224735270674586991233241
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999
9566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956632208463871208666581
2093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632247352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956630846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322084638712086665812093871
5376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473
5270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956630846387120866658120
9387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389
9995663224735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566308463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912
3324165749076855410928365738999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663224735270674586991233241
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999
9566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956632208463871208666581
2093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632247352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
223899995663445877745663211785125698744521155568744120036210025412002544500445589996321478520369025801470052014061964224466880012345874.
Thank You For Your Patience.
If you are trapped in a burning house
or have been seriously injured and are
bleeding to death,
the new emergency number is:-
0846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322084638712086665812093871537610086651
3124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699
1233241657490768554109283657389999566322473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956630846387120866658120938715376100
8665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389
9995663224735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566308463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912
3324165749076855410928365738999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663224735270674586991233241
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999
9566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956632208463871208666581
2093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632247352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956630846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322084638712086665812093871
5376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473
5270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956630846387120866658120
9387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663220846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389
9995663224735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322389999566308463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912
3324165749076855410928365738999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956632208463871208666581209387153761008665131245408547352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663224735270674586991233241
6574907685541092836573899995663223899995663084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999
9566322084638712086665812093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956632208463871208666581
2093871537610086651312454085473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632247352706745869912332416574907685541092836573899995663
2238999956630846387120866658120938715376100866513124540854735270674586991233241657490768554109283657389999566322084638712086665812093871
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1233241657490768554109283657389999566322473527067458699123324165749076855410928365738999956632238999956630846387120866658120938715376100
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Thank You For Your Patience.
- Moderator
- #893
IRISH SAUSAGES
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whiskey.
Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whiskey.
Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
RMK Junky
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Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's House.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's House.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
RETODD
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A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You ... foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down the Jamaican's pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You ... foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down the Jamaican's pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!
my mod
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THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING
FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming,
that's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
this describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
but I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other,
that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you,
but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace,
but don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes,
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away,
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
two parts vodka, one part lime.
FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming,
that's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
this describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
but I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other,
that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you,
but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace,
but don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes,
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away,
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
two parts vodka, one part lime.
my mod
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Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After That Damned Gay Cowboy Movie:
1. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"
2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"
3. "Don't fret---I've been in tight spots before."
4. "Howdy, pardner."
5. "You stay here while I sneak around from behind."
6. Two words: "Saddle Sore."
7. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."
8. "Let's mount up!"
9. "Nice spread ya got there!"
10. "Ride'em cowboy!"
1. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"
2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"
3. "Don't fret---I've been in tight spots before."
4. "Howdy, pardner."
5. "You stay here while I sneak around from behind."
6. Two words: "Saddle Sore."
7. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."
8. "Let's mount up!"
9. "Nice spread ya got there!"
10. "Ride'em cowboy!"
- Staff
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NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention
is galvanized when she hears one of them say
the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more,
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly.
"In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex
lives.
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a
justa tellin' my frienda how to spell
'Mississippi'."
$5.00 says you're gonna read this again
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention
is galvanized when she hears one of them say
the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more,
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly.
"In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex
lives.
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a
justa tellin' my frienda how to spell
'Mississippi'."
$5.00 says you're gonna read this again
polarice
Active VIP Member
yupp read it twice
RMK Junky
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A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.
The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal.""That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."
"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.
About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"
"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."
The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal.""That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."
"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.
About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"
"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."
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