Bnorth
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Required: Sense of humor
- Thread starter albertagal500
- Start date
my mod
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Two medical students were walking along thestreet when they saw an old man
walking with his legs spread apart. He wasstiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend:
"I'm sure that poor old man has PeltrySyndrome.
Those people walk just like that."
The other student says:
"No, I don't think so. The old man surelyhas Zovitzki Syndrome.
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just aswe learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to askthe old man. They approached him
and one of the students said to him,
"We're medical students and couldn't help
but notice the way you walk, but we couldn'tagree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said,
"I'll tell you, but first you tell me whatyou two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it'sPeltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but youare wrong."
The other student said, "I think you haveZovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but youare wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, whatdo you have?"
The old man said,
"I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong,too!"walking with his legs spread apart. He wasstiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend:
"I'm sure that poor old man has PeltrySyndrome.
Those people walk just like that."
The other student says:
"No, I don't think so. The old man surelyhas Zovitzki Syndrome.
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just aswe learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to askthe old man. They approached him
and one of the students said to him,
"We're medical students and couldn't help
but notice the way you walk, but we couldn'tagree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said,
"I'll tell you, but first you tell me whatyou two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it'sPeltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but youare wrong."
The other student said, "I think you haveZovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but youare wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, whatdo you have?"
The old man said,
talkinghamster
Active VIP Member
your moms like a shotgun, two C0ck$ and she blows.
Polarisgurl500
Active member
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..'
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women.. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife... She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
mathrulz
Active VIP Member
[SIZE=+1][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]can you believe it …. they sent my Census form back![/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]In response to the question: "Do you have any dependents?" I replied - "2.1 million illegal immigrants; 1.1 million crack heads; 4.4 million unemployable people, 901 thousand people in over 85 prisons; and 565 idiots in Parliament.Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.[/SIZE]
Who did I miss ?
JaySimon
Active VIP Member
Arthur Davidson in Heaven
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation died and went to Heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven".
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the throne room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Oh, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
There is too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
It chatters constantly at high speeds.
Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust, and finally,
The maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his celestial Super Computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention then yours".
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation died and went to Heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven".
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the throne room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Oh, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
There is too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
It chatters constantly at high speeds.
Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust, and finally,
The maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his celestial Super Computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention then yours".
PINKalicious
Active VIP Member
Baaahhhh that is frickin funny! Lol
my mod
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A married couple had been outshopping at the mall for most of the afternoon.
Suddenly, the wiferealized that her husband had "disappeared".
The somewhat iratespouse called her mate's cell phone and demanded: "Where the hell areyou?"
Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewelry shop where you saw thediamond necklace and totally
fell in love with itand I didn't have money that time and I said, 'Baby, it'll be yours oneday'?"
Wife, with a smile,blushing: "Yes I remember that, my love."
Husband: "Well, I'm in the Pub next to that shop."
Suddenly, the wiferealized that her husband had "disappeared".
The somewhat iratespouse called her mate's cell phone and demanded: "Where the hell areyou?"
Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewelry shop where you saw thediamond necklace and totally
fell in love with itand I didn't have money that time and I said, 'Baby, it'll be yours oneday'?"
Wife, with a smile,blushing: "Yes I remember that, my love."
Husband: "Well, I'm in the Pub next to that shop."
PINKalicious
Active VIP Member
Adam and Eve
Adam was returning home late one night. When Eve confronted him.
"You are seeing another woman, aren't you?" she accused.
"Don't be silly," he replied. "You are the only woman on earth."
Later that night Adam woke up feeling a tickle on his chest.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked Eve.
"What do you think?" she asked. "I am counting your ribs."
Adam was returning home late one night. When Eve confronted him.
"You are seeing another woman, aren't you?" she accused.
"Don't be silly," he replied. "You are the only woman on earth."
Later that night Adam woke up feeling a tickle on his chest.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked Eve.
"What do you think?" she asked. "I am counting your ribs."
PINKalicious
Active VIP Member
E-mail
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can
be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled
streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a
business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick
e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written
her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed
instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed
away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her
e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing
scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note
on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can
be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled
streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a
business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick
e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written
her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed
instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed
away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her
e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing
scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note
on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
polarice
Active VIP Member
my mod
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How to Find your inner peace.........
I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives.
I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of
Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum i luvum...
I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives.
I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of
Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum i luvum...
my mod
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| Beware of older men - they only get wiser! A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am 'About 32,' is the reply.' 'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.' Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.' Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!' While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.' They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.' He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?' He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.' Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?' The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?' 'I promise I won't' she says. 'I was behind you at McDonalds.' | |||
|
my mod
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Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man
'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already ch!t my pants.'
Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man
'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already ch!t my pants.'
Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
my mod
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SCOTCH?
>
> On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher
> a basket of assorted fruit.
>
> The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
>
> The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
>
> Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a
> little bit..She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
>
> "Is it wine?" she guessed.
>
> "No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and
> asked, " Champagne ?"
>
> "No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
>
> On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher
> a basket of assorted fruit.
>
> The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
>
> The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
>
> Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a
> little bit..She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
>
> "Is it wine?" she guessed.
>
> "No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and
> asked, " Champagne ?"
>
> "No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
my mod
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- Oct 19, 2008
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- 706
A quick thinker......
.
Nymphomaniac Convention
A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded," I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"
"Tonto," the man said.. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."
.
Nymphomaniac Convention
A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded," I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"
"Tonto," the man said.. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."
Third Graders
Three third graders, a Cape Breton kid, a PEI kid and a Newfoundlander are
in the playground at recess. One of them suggests that they play a new game.
"Let’s see who has the largest weenie," he says. "Okay" they all agree.
The Cape Breton kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the PEI kid. He whips his out and finds that his is a couple of inches longer. Not to be out done, the Newfoundlander whips his out. It is by far the biggest.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Newfoundlanders mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ----- and during recess, my friends and I played ' Lets see who has the biggest weenie’
"What kind of a game is that, honey?" asks the mother.
"Well, me, Angus and John each pulled out our weenies and I had the biggest!"
The other kids say it’s because I'm from Newfoundland. Is that true, Mom?"
Mom replies, "No, Honey. It’s because you're twenty-three."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Parvinder and Habib are pandhandlers...
They panhandle in different areas of town.
Habib panhandles just as long as Parvinder but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Habib says to Parvinder "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?".
Parvinder says, "Look at your sign, what does it say"?
Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'."
Parvinder says " No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars"
Habib says..."So what does your sign say"?
Parvinder shows Habib his sign...............It reads, "I only need another $10 to move back to Pakistan”.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three third graders, a Cape Breton kid, a PEI kid and a Newfoundlander are
in the playground at recess. One of them suggests that they play a new game.
"Let’s see who has the largest weenie," he says. "Okay" they all agree.
The Cape Breton kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the PEI kid. He whips his out and finds that his is a couple of inches longer. Not to be out done, the Newfoundlander whips his out. It is by far the biggest.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Newfoundlanders mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ----- and during recess, my friends and I played ' Lets see who has the biggest weenie’
"What kind of a game is that, honey?" asks the mother.
"Well, me, Angus and John each pulled out our weenies and I had the biggest!"
The other kids say it’s because I'm from Newfoundland. Is that true, Mom?"
Mom replies, "No, Honey. It’s because you're twenty-three."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Parvinder and Habib are pandhandlers...
They panhandle in different areas of town.
Habib panhandles just as long as Parvinder but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Habib says to Parvinder "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?".
Parvinder says, "Look at your sign, what does it say"?
Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'."
Parvinder says " No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars"
Habib says..."So what does your sign say"?
Parvinder shows Habib his sign...............It reads, "I only need another $10 to move back to Pakistan”.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
smokinD
Active VIP Member
A muslim dies and goes up to heaven.He's stopped at the pearly gates by st peter who says Sorry, but we do not allow muslims into heaven.
What?replies the Muslim,and why not?
Well we just don't
The Muslim complains and carries on until st peter gets fed up
Well says St Peter,have you ever done anything good in your life?
Hummm...the Muslim replies
Yeah,the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting for
a childrens charity so i gave her ten dollars.
Last week i donated ten dollars to the cancer society and a couple
of weeks ago a tramp asked me if i could spare any money
so i gave her ten dollars also.
Alright then says St Peter, let me go and have a quik word with
God.
Five minutes later St Peter returns and says to the Muslim.
Listen I've spoken with God and he agrees with me.
Here's your 30 bucks back,now F$$$ Off.
What?replies the Muslim,and why not?
Well we just don't
The Muslim complains and carries on until st peter gets fed up
Well says St Peter,have you ever done anything good in your life?
Hummm...the Muslim replies
Yeah,the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting for
a childrens charity so i gave her ten dollars.
Last week i donated ten dollars to the cancer society and a couple
of weeks ago a tramp asked me if i could spare any money
so i gave her ten dollars also.
Alright then says St Peter, let me go and have a quik word with
God.
Five minutes later St Peter returns and says to the Muslim.
Listen I've spoken with God and he agrees with me.
Here's your 30 bucks back,now F$$$ Off.
smokinD
Active VIP Member
THE OTHER DAY I HAD A SAFETY TEST AT WORK
THE INSTRUCTOR HAD ASKED WHAT STEPS WOULD
I TAKE IF THERE WAS A FIRE,I SAID F****n LARGE ONES
GUESS THAT WAS THE WRONG ANSWER.
THE INSTRUCTOR HAD ASKED WHAT STEPS WOULD
I TAKE IF THERE WAS A FIRE,I SAID F****n LARGE ONES
GUESS THAT WAS THE WRONG ANSWER.
So, theres this lonely wife who's husband has to work on Christmas Eve. She has a couple glasses of wine and decides what the hell, I'll try and hit on Santa Claus. So she puts on some pretty sexy stuff and waits for Santa by the chimney. Santa finally arrives and starts putting presents under the tree. The wife says " Hey Santa, how about spending Christmas Eve with me and we'll have a really good time". Santa replies " Ho Ho Ho, Santa's gotta go, gotta bring toys to all the good little girls and boys". She undoes her bra and says" Come on Santa, make me a really Merry Christmas". Again, Santa says" Ho Ho Ho, Santa's gotta go, gotta bring toys to all the good little girls and boys". She takes of her panties, throws herself on the coach and says " C'mon Santa, this will only take a minute, lets have a good time". Santa says" Hey, hey, hey, Santa's gotta stay, can't get back up the chimney with his pecker this way !"
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