Summit 934
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Required: Sense of humor
- Thread starter albertagal500
- Start date
firstdoo
Active VIP Member
A GUY WALKS INTO A BAR...
A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says," 168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious..So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Trudeau?”
A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says," 168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious..So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Trudeau?”
retiredpop
Active VIP Member
A guy traveling through the USA on vacation lost his wallet and all of
his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his
way home but was stopped by the Canadian Customs Agent at the border.
"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.
"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent.
"But I can prove I'm a Canadian!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of
Celine Dion tattooed on one side of my butt and Shania Twain on the other."
"This I got to see," replied the agent.
With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.
"By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Ottawa
Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Ottawa
"The agent replied, "I recognized Justin Trudeau in the middle."
his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his
way home but was stopped by the Canadian Customs Agent at the border.
"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.
"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent.
"But I can prove I'm a Canadian!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of
Celine Dion tattooed on one side of my butt and Shania Twain on the other."
"This I got to see," replied the agent.
With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.
"By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Ottawa
Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Ottawa
"The agent replied, "I recognized Justin Trudeau in the middle."
Summit 934
Active VIP Member
Advice needed. I need to know what the sickest wheelie machine out there is. Looking to snowcheck something between 17k-22k.
I dont care how it corners, the common area at my apartment building is only about 1 acre, so i just need to tear it up there.
I have cash to buy, but the bank offered me 21.99% APR so I would be stupid not to finance.
In addiiton to wheelie power, it needs to have enough plastic to put on a sick wrap and some rockstar energy stickers so they will pick me up as a sponser once they check out my insta and youtube channel.
I don't have a trailer, and can't put it in the back of my 07' WRX until my recipricating saw elcamino conversion is done, so if anyone can deliver to my place when it comes in, I let you take photos sitting on it in the parking lot, or I can give you a deal on the stock muffler once I straight pipe it. Was going to sell it for $1700 but will let it go for $1500 if you help me out.
no haters in the comments, or you will look like an idiot once I hit 1million subscribers on youtube and have my crew cancel you.
#wheeliemaster69Blaze420forlife
Edit: any sled suggestion must come with a list of oils I should run in it.
I dont care how it corners, the common area at my apartment building is only about 1 acre, so i just need to tear it up there.
I have cash to buy, but the bank offered me 21.99% APR so I would be stupid not to finance.
In addiiton to wheelie power, it needs to have enough plastic to put on a sick wrap and some rockstar energy stickers so they will pick me up as a sponser once they check out my insta and youtube channel.
I don't have a trailer, and can't put it in the back of my 07' WRX until my recipricating saw elcamino conversion is done, so if anyone can deliver to my place when it comes in, I let you take photos sitting on it in the parking lot, or I can give you a deal on the stock muffler once I straight pipe it. Was going to sell it for $1700 but will let it go for $1500 if you help me out.
no haters in the comments, or you will look like an idiot once I hit 1million subscribers on youtube and have my crew cancel you.
#wheeliemaster69Blaze420forlife
Edit: any sled suggestion must come with a list of oils I should run in it.
retiredpop
Active VIP Member
Justin Trudeau was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo.
Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, and they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Trudeau said to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check, you were driving.'
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' said Trudeau.
Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
'My god, what happened to you?' asks Trudeau.
The chauffeur replies:
'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter took me upstairs and made love to me.'
'What on earth did you say to them?' asks Trudeau.
I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them, I'm Justin Trudeau's chauffeur and I've just killed the jackass
Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, and they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Trudeau said to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check, you were driving.'
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' said Trudeau.
Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
'My god, what happened to you?' asks Trudeau.
The chauffeur replies:
'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter took me upstairs and made love to me.'
'What on earth did you say to them?' asks Trudeau.
I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them, I'm Justin Trudeau's chauffeur and I've just killed the jackass
doorfx
Active VIP Member
doorfx
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FernieHawk
Active VIP Member
retiredpop
Active VIP Member
imdoo'n
Active VIP Member
[FONT="]A wife came home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen for a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?" [/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT]
[FONT="]Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen for a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?" [/FONT][FONT="]
imdoo'n
Active VIP Member
[FONT="]With the invention of self-driving vehicles it's only a matter of time before someone writes a country song where a guys truck leaves him too.[/FONT]
imdoo'n
Active VIP Member
[FONT="]A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies.The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia . This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license?”[/FONT]
[FONT="]The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?”[/FONT]
[FONT="]Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where are you from?[/FONT]
[FONT="]“The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia . This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license?”[/FONT]
[FONT="]The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?”[/FONT]
[FONT="]Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where are you from?[/FONT]
[FONT="]“The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert!!”[/FONT]
Last edited:
4extreme
Active VIP Member
anyone seen this video https://youtu.be/uNsmO2AYzbE It made me laugh
retiredpop
Active VIP Member
papajake
Active VIP Member
can't be any more true than that video people are just fu8ked up now a days if even 5 per cent had to live through what our grandparent lived through they would not have survived more than a month
Found this on another forum, too funny not to share...
[FONT="]When you're over seventy..............who cares ?[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.[/FONT]
[FONT="]This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,[/FONT]
[FONT="]"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."[/FONT]
[FONT="]Cost me 6 stitches...but,[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy..............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]**[/FONT]
[FONT="]I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."[/FONT]
[FONT="]Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”;[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy..............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]***[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.[/FONT]
[FONT="]She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]Cost me a fat lip, but...[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy..............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]**[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."[/FONT]
[FONT="]After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said,[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Come on, what day was I born?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Yesterday."[/FONT]
[FONT="]Cost me a kick in the groin, but...[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy...............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]*[/FONT]
[FONT="]I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy...............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]**[/FONT]
[FONT="]I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Good legs."[/FONT]
[FONT="]The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."[/FONT]
[FONT="]Cost me 6 more stitches, but...[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy..............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you're over seventy..............who cares ?[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.[/FONT]
[FONT="]This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,[/FONT]
[FONT="]"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."[/FONT]
[FONT="]Cost me 6 stitches...but,[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy..............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]**[/FONT]
[FONT="]I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."[/FONT]
[FONT="]Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”;[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy..............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]***[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.[/FONT]
[FONT="]She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]Cost me a fat lip, but...[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy..............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]**[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."[/FONT]
[FONT="]After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said,[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Come on, what day was I born?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Yesterday."[/FONT]
[FONT="]Cost me a kick in the groin, but...[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy...............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]*[/FONT]
[FONT="]I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy...............who cares?[/FONT]
[FONT="]**[/FONT]
[FONT="]I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Good legs."[/FONT]
[FONT="]The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."[/FONT]
[FONT="]Cost me 6 more stitches, but...[/FONT]
[FONT="]When you’re over seventy..............who cares?[/FONT]
Summit 934
Active VIP Member
retiredpop
Active VIP Member
Brad lived in British Columbia and was a lifelong environmentalist. He was sick of the world; of Covid-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines. Brad drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved it to a slow idle. Two days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Brad from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery. Brad is a registered Liberal.
pfi572
Active VIP Member
retiredpop
Active VIP Member
| The Pope and Justin Trudeau are on the same stage in Rogers Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Justin and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!" Justin replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!" |
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!
AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY!
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
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