Required: Sense of humor
- Thread starter albertagal500
- Start date
my mod
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Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?
This is for all the germ conscious folks
that worry about using cold water to clean.
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather
in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan
After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
the next morning John's grandfather prepared
breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate,
and questioned his grandfather asking,
'Are these plates clean?'
His grandfather replied,
'They're as clean as cold water can get em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates,
as his appeared to have tiny specks around
the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
'Are you sure these plates are clean?'
Without looking up the old man said,
'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as
clean as cold water can get them.. Now don't you
fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town
and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog
started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
John yelled and said,
'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.
Without diverting his attention from the football game
he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!
'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'
This is for all the germ conscious folks
that worry about using cold water to clean.
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather
in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan
After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
the next morning John's grandfather prepared
breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate,
and questioned his grandfather asking,
'Are these plates clean?'
His grandfather replied,
'They're as clean as cold water can get em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates,
as his appeared to have tiny specks around
the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
'Are you sure these plates are clean?'
Without looking up the old man said,
'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as
clean as cold water can get them.. Now don't you
fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town
and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog
started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
John yelled and said,
'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.
Without diverting his attention from the football game
he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!
'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'
country_shorty88
Active VIP Member
A truly touching story....truly touching!!
I met a girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us
and she immediately dropped to her knees
and laid on the grass at my feet.
As we lay making love, I thought
"These taser guns are well worth the money".
I met a girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us
and she immediately dropped to her knees
and laid on the grass at my feet.
As we lay making love, I thought
"These taser guns are well worth the money".
country_shorty88
Active VIP Member
This will bring a tear to your eye....
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a Funeral Director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He
had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.
I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
When I finished ,I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently, I'm still lost
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a Funeral Director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He
had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.
I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
When I finished ,I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently, I'm still lost
CountryRider
Active VIP Member
Judy got married and had 13 children.
Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.
She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later.
Judy again remarried, and this time, she and John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret,
"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
Margaret replied, "I think he means her legs, Ethel . . . her legs"
Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.
She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later.
Judy again remarried, and this time, she and John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret,
"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
Margaret replied, "I think he means her legs, Ethel . . . her legs"
CountryRider
Active VIP Member
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot...'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the fuckin' difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot...'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the fuckin' difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
CountryRider
Active VIP Member
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful..'
Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice..
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin' beautiful!''
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat..'
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old..'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own fuckin' business.
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful..'
Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice..
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin' beautiful!''
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat..'
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old..'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own fuckin' business.
OLD BUTCH
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Last edited:
my mod
Active VIP Member
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2008
- Messages
- 1,188
- Reaction score
- 706
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it
********************
I had amnesia once---or twice
********************
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
********************
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
********************
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
********************
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
********************
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
********************
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
********************
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
********************
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
********************
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
********************
My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.
********************
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
********************
How can there be self-help "groups"?
********************
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
********************
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off
********************
Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
********************
********************
I had amnesia once---or twice
********************
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
********************
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
********************
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
********************
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
********************
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
********************
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
********************
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
********************
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
********************
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
********************
My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.
********************
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
********************
How can there be self-help "groups"?
********************
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
********************
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off
********************
Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
********************
JaySimon
Active VIP Member
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, feminists can't change anything.
None, feminists can't change anything.
The lawn mower
A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. 'How much do you want for the mower?' asked the preacher?
'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,' said the little boy. After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, Will you take my bike in trade for it?'
The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, ' preacher, you've got yourself a deal.'
The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.
The preacher called the little boy over and said, 'I can't get this mower to start.' The little boy said, 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.' The preacher said, “I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became a Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss.”
The little boy looked at him happily and said,
'You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya.
A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. 'How much do you want for the mower?' asked the preacher?
'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,' said the little boy. After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, Will you take my bike in trade for it?'
The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, ' preacher, you've got yourself a deal.'
The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.
The preacher called the little boy over and said, 'I can't get this mower to start.' The little boy said, 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.' The preacher said, “I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became a Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss.”
The little boy looked at him happily and said,
'You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya.
Subject: FW: Fwd: Six Golden Rules for F***ing
For those of you who occasionally indulge!!
SIX GOLDEN RULES For F***ing:
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing dont eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. Try to do f***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholestrol level.
SO, REMEMBER ...
FASTING is good for your health.
For those of you who occasionally indulge!!
SIX GOLDEN RULES For F***ing:
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing dont eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. Try to do f***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholestrol level.
SO, REMEMBER ...
FASTING is good for your health.
Subject: FW: The richness of the English language
There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London , which used to have a gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hung. The horse-drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''. If he said YES, it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD. If he declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON. So there you go. More bleeding history.
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "PISS POOR", but worse than that were the really poor folk, who couldn't even afford to buy a pot, they "DIDN'T HAVE A POT To PISS IN" and were the lowest of the low.
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "DON'T THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER!"
Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "IT'S RAINING CAT AND DOGS". There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt.. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "DIRT POOR". The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a THRESH HOLD. (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ''Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot, nine days old''. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special..
When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon, to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "BRING HOME THE BACON". They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ''CHEW THE FAT''.
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or ''THE UPPER CRUST''.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ''HOLDING A WAKE''.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people, so they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT) to listen for the bell; thus someone could be, ''SAVED BY THE BELL ''or was considered a ''DEAD RINGER''
And that's the truth. Now, whoever said history was boring ! ! ! So .. . . get out there and educate someone! Share these facts with a friend !
There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London , which used to have a gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hung. The horse-drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''. If he said YES, it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD. If he declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON. So there you go. More bleeding history.
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "PISS POOR", but worse than that were the really poor folk, who couldn't even afford to buy a pot, they "DIDN'T HAVE A POT To PISS IN" and were the lowest of the low.
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "DON'T THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER!"
Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "IT'S RAINING CAT AND DOGS". There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt.. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "DIRT POOR". The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a THRESH HOLD. (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ''Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot, nine days old''. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special..
When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon, to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "BRING HOME THE BACON". They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ''CHEW THE FAT''.
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or ''THE UPPER CRUST''.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ''HOLDING A WAKE''.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people, so they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT) to listen for the bell; thus someone could be, ''SAVED BY THE BELL ''or was considered a ''DEAD RINGER''
And that's the truth. Now, whoever said history was boring ! ! ! So .. . . get out there and educate someone! Share these facts with a friend !
Summiteer
Active VIP Member
Threshold is a very old word, dating to c.1000 and probably earlier. The word thresh originally meant to stamp on or trample and survives today in the verb to thresh (wheat) and in thrash. The hold portion is of unknown origin. The threshold is literally the first place in a building you step and has evolved to mean any gateway.
Once again the specious internet lore of Life in the 1500s blows the explanation. It claims that thresh was placed on the bare floor and a block of wood, the threshold, would keep the thresh in when the door was opened. The big problem is that there is no such thing as thresh. Thresh is not and never has been a noun. It is a verb meaning to beat, stamp, trample.
Read more: What is the origin of the word "threshold"? | Answerbag What is the origin of the word "threshold"? | Answerbag
Once again the specious internet lore of Life in the 1500s blows the explanation. It claims that thresh was placed on the bare floor and a block of wood, the threshold, would keep the thresh in when the door was opened. The big problem is that there is no such thing as thresh. Thresh is not and never has been a noun. It is a verb meaning to beat, stamp, trample.
Read more: What is the origin of the word "threshold"? | Answerbag What is the origin of the word "threshold"? | Answerbag
old mountain man
Active VIP Member
Slow day today Mitch? I think we need to get out for a quad run?
For those of us with a weird sense of humor.... you know who you / we are! … Nice to know you are not alone....
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
and
It's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.
A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory.
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memorium
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person,
which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
and
It's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.
A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory.
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memorium
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person,
which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
whitegold
Active VIP Member
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason... my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason... my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
Summiteer
Active VIP Member
Yup slow, Chet wants to take his new Rhino out for a test drive on Sunday if you are interested.
polarice
Active VIP Member
Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 3 Native guys arrive.
St. Pete looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be
right back."
St. Pete goes over to God's office chambers and tells him who is
waiting for entrance.
God says to Pete: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and judgmental here.
This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"
St. Pete goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy
sigh. He returns to God's chamber and says "Well, they're gone."
"Who. The Natives?" asked God
"No. The Gates."
St. Pete looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be
right back."
St. Pete goes over to God's office chambers and tells him who is
waiting for entrance.
God says to Pete: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and judgmental here.
This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"
St. Pete goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy
sigh. He returns to God's chamber and says "Well, they're gone."
"Who. The Natives?" asked God
"No. The Gates."
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