snopro
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Be sure to document everything you do. It may come in handy if the police get involved at a later date.
Bullying
- Thread starter sunshinesmiles
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- #22
sunshinesmiles
Active VIP Member
Wow.......................I feel for your son............sounds horrible !!!!!!!!!!!! I have asked my son to save text messages............... cause cops will be my next avenue.................no not a single mom any more.....................but Dad figures kid should deal with his issues............sometimes a kid can't.............he's a Mama'sboy and tells me everything.........what I hear is going on is not acceptable...........Your son is 20........mine just 12................how so we as parents stop this crap..........................besides over protecting our kids !
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- #23
Good point!!!
Do your due deligence. In a court room..... if it's not on paper, it's all hear say. It didn't happen, your word against her/his don't mean nothing anymore.
snopro
Active VIP Member
Listened to a story like this on Adler a couple weeks ago. The bully's followed the kid home, started beating on him on his front lawn, the father saw this and ran outside pushing the bully's off his kid and called the police. The bully's banded together saying the dad beat them up and threatened to cut their throats and drink their blood. Came down to the kids against the dad and the dad is being charged. This after going through the school, police and all proper channels. Now he has lost his house because of legal fees and is forced to move and work 2 jobs to support the family. Kids nowadays are street smart and know their rights and how to work the system to their advantage. You need to nip it in the butt before it escalates anymore imo.
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teeroy
Active VIP Member
went through this with my oldest. went and talked to the other boy's father, told him "every time your boy fawks with mine, I'm gonna fawk with YOU". it all starts, and apparently ends, at home.....
- Moderator
- #26
That Sux ass!!!! A calgarian cement truck driver, mow's over a family of 5, and get's only 5 yrs, with no PO. Booo phucking Hoo!!!
A Father sticks up for his family, and lose's everything, just isn't right!!!!
snopro
Active VIP Member
Unfortunately Doug this is the world we live in.
- Moderator
- #28
It is a crappy situation. One thing no one has mentioned, is make sure in ANY case that you got the story right. In school I had it were a parent phoned mine saying I was bullying their kid. You know, kids don't always tell the truth. Their parent was told I was beating up their kid (which was true, but didn't say they deserved it).
Not saying it's the case in any of the replies, but gotta get the story right to try and fix it. Standing up for yourself will help a lot. My issues were just people saying things and generally provoking things, fighting solved it quick. To this day I believe any kid making fun of someone else, provoking or anything like that deserves what they got coming. When people know they risk getting beat up, they stop bothering you. The schools don't always handle it well, I got suspended for fighting quite a few times when others provoked it. But funny the issues stopped.
But if it's physical bullying I think it would be a lot different fix, and where you need to handle it different. Verbal IMO is something that the kid needs to pretty much deal with for themselves to get rid of it. School, etc getting involved won't help.
But then there's the flipside, were some kids today are so soft and can't take anything, all kids will get a bit of razzing.
Hope your able to deal with it, it is not a good situation.
Not saying it's the case in any of the replies, but gotta get the story right to try and fix it. Standing up for yourself will help a lot. My issues were just people saying things and generally provoking things, fighting solved it quick. To this day I believe any kid making fun of someone else, provoking or anything like that deserves what they got coming. When people know they risk getting beat up, they stop bothering you. The schools don't always handle it well, I got suspended for fighting quite a few times when others provoked it. But funny the issues stopped.
But if it's physical bullying I think it would be a lot different fix, and where you need to handle it different. Verbal IMO is something that the kid needs to pretty much deal with for themselves to get rid of it. School, etc getting involved won't help.
But then there's the flipside, were some kids today are so soft and can't take anything, all kids will get a bit of razzing.
Hope your able to deal with it, it is not a good situation.
underdog
Active VIP Member
I doubt it.....
007sevens
Active VIP Member
I've had some experience with this with my 13 year old and I have some questions.
Is this one person the same age in the same class as your son?
Does your son and this bully have some of the same friends?
Does your son have lots of friends?
Does the bully have none or lots?
Sometimes trying to understand the bully helps to understand why he is doing what he is doing.
Here is my story. My son had a bully that would push his buttons and push my sons friends buttons. The bully came from a broken marriage in which the mother
is salt of the earth and the father (whom I have never met) is not the greatest. My son who is not the smallest kid in the world would not fight back. Hes 5'6"
and 180lbs at 13 years and I believe he was scared of hurting someone, he plays hockey with the same gentle manner. One day this bully took it to far with his
friends and my son finished it, and took out the bully with a couple of swings. The incident gave the bully respect for my son and the problems ended. The bully
and my son were in the same class, on the same hockey team, and to this day all my son does is put him in his place and he shuts up. I think that this bully
just needed some friends to look out for him. Yes he has a bad side but in the same he has a good side. I think that what he was searching for was to just be
part of the group of friends that my son belonged to. He had a weird way of going about it but only because his up bringing was all screwed up. I'm not trying to stick up for the bully but meerly trying to understand him.
If you cant talk to his parents you know where the problem lies. If you cant talk to the bully then get someone who can. I think the last resort is, and only if your kid can handle it is to let him loose. If the boxer wants to fight let him fight, just don't put your kid in spot he might get hurt.
The other side may be that he is looking for attention from his peers by picking on the little guy and in that case deal with it yourself. The big guy wont want to deal with the pissed off mom.
Is this one person the same age in the same class as your son?
Does your son and this bully have some of the same friends?
Does your son have lots of friends?
Does the bully have none or lots?
Sometimes trying to understand the bully helps to understand why he is doing what he is doing.
Here is my story. My son had a bully that would push his buttons and push my sons friends buttons. The bully came from a broken marriage in which the mother
is salt of the earth and the father (whom I have never met) is not the greatest. My son who is not the smallest kid in the world would not fight back. Hes 5'6"
and 180lbs at 13 years and I believe he was scared of hurting someone, he plays hockey with the same gentle manner. One day this bully took it to far with his
friends and my son finished it, and took out the bully with a couple of swings. The incident gave the bully respect for my son and the problems ended. The bully
and my son were in the same class, on the same hockey team, and to this day all my son does is put him in his place and he shuts up. I think that this bully
just needed some friends to look out for him. Yes he has a bad side but in the same he has a good side. I think that what he was searching for was to just be
part of the group of friends that my son belonged to. He had a weird way of going about it but only because his up bringing was all screwed up. I'm not trying to stick up for the bully but meerly trying to understand him.
If you cant talk to his parents you know where the problem lies. If you cant talk to the bully then get someone who can. I think the last resort is, and only if your kid can handle it is to let him loose. If the boxer wants to fight let him fight, just don't put your kid in spot he might get hurt.
The other side may be that he is looking for attention from his peers by picking on the little guy and in that case deal with it yourself. The big guy wont want to deal with the pissed off mom.
- Thread starter
- #33
sunshinesmiles
Active VIP Member
The first bully has some life issues.........ADD, ADHD etc............and I think because this past summer my son had enough of his wanting to be friends then snapping and not wanting to be friends...........my son decided to get off the roller coaster, couldn't handle this kids ups and downs..............and yes they are the same age and in some of the same classes. He was having issues in his old school so parents moved him to same school my son now attends. Second Bully is in Grade 9 and from what I can tell don't have many friends his age and has befriended the first bully in grade 7 and is trying to look tough. I have spoken to the assistant principal and he's well aware of first bullies issues and transfer of schools, he assured me they will keep an eye on him....and my son's friends mother also called him same day........after the call both bullies got detention............then harassing began again how they were going to kick their ass for going to the principal. I have spoken to the parents also.........but as always you get parents who don't want to believe their kids would do such a thing. My son is so a lover not a fighter, but mabey time to tell him to stand up for himself. It's now to the point these boys are calling us Mom's names to our kids and threatening to beat my son up when he's at the arena for hockey practice..............which mabey I set up........cause I know these bullies would run when kiddo's whole hockey team comes at them !!!!
[h=2]Re: Bullying[/h]
Listened to a story like this on Adler a couple weeks ago. The bully's followed the kid home, started beating on him on his front lawn, the father saw this and ran outside pushing the bully's off his kid and called the police. The bully's banded together saying the dad beat them up and threatened to cut their throats and drink their blood. Came down to the kids against the dad and the dad is being charged. This after going through the school, police and all proper channels. Now he has lost his house because of legal fees and is forced to move and work 2 jobs to support the family. Kids nowadays are street smart and know their rights and how to work the system to their advantage. You need to nip it in the butt before it escalates anymore imo.
From my experience back in the school days these types of fools all share one thing in common, bullies feed off of fear, and attention. When a bully has the attention he /she will feed off it, taking that attention away from them they become nothing more then a kid with issues and are harmless for the most part. For the most part if the bully is surrounded by other kids that are wanting to see a fight happen , as shitty as it sounds its going to happen. When you are able to remove that catalyst from the situation the bully has no reason to fight because he has no supporters of the situation. I had this issue with an egghead in high school myself, and eventually said screw it and went and had our fight, got my shots in and lost the fight, however the next time he decided to provoke me he didnt have any supporters and he quickly decided against a second encounter. just my 2 cents.
From my experience back in the school days these types of fools all share one thing in common, bullies feed off of fear, and attention. When a bully has the attention he /she will feed off it, taking that attention away from them they become nothing more then a kid with issues and are harmless for the most part. For the most part if the bully is surrounded by other kids that are wanting to see a fight happen , as shitty as it sounds its going to happen. When you are able to remove that catalyst from the situation the bully has no reason to fight because he has no supporters of the situation. I had this issue with an egghead in high school myself, and eventually said screw it and went and had our fight, got my shots in and lost the fight, however the next time he decided to provoke me he didnt have any supporters and he quickly decided against a second encounter. just my 2 cents.
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- #35
MOMMA
Active VIP Member
My heart goes out to everyone here who has a child being bullied. It's a tough one. Kids in today's time can be cagey. People are cagey... knowing the ins and outs of legal loopholes. I have often been accused of being a "smother mother" type of mentality, always trying to shield my kids from pain.
Bullies thrive on attention. Often people join the bullying bandwagon in their attempt to protect themselves from being the victim. When I was teaching in the school we had to go to bullying seminars... 1. Name the person... 2. Name the behaviour... 3. Say what you'd like to happen.... 4. Tell someone....
So .. Johnny.... you are making fun of me ... I would like you to stop.... Mom Johnny made fun of me...
Pretty generic in my opinion. The effects of bullying can cut so deep. My advice as a parent.
Keep doing what you are doing. You obviously have a wonderful relationship with your son, especially during this trying time, his heart needs your wonderful momma love. Ride the schools Azz, ride the Local Law enforcement's azz.. Talk to the parents.. talk to other parents, who may be unaware of this situation. The other kids may be reluctant to feed the bully/bullies if they are outed to everyone around them. My kids and I have often had this conversation.. what do you do when you are being bullied by someone.. You don't picture them being taken out, beat up, humiliated... Picture them happy and loved... Pray for happiness and peace in their life.. I do agree, understanding their motivation helps to deflect some of the crushing personal attacks and lets the bully own their own garbage.
I also love Teeroys advice.. I love the fact that a Father goes to another Father to "encourage" him to discipline his child! Super high five there Tee. I have also been known to get a little "momma grizzly bear ish" from time to time... A 2x4 may or may not have been involved...
007sevens
Active VIP Member
I know that this might seem to be right off the mark and maybe something you don't want to do but something another family did with the same bully that was causing problems for us. I might add that when you describe the bully in your sons class its like you describe the kid we had problems with. A family whom I know well brought him into there home and they became close friends. I coached hockey with this kid for two years and just when I started to pull my hair out I figure out that he looked at me as a peer and not as a older adult. He thinks we are on the same page so I put him there with me and we started to communicate better.
RMK Junky
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This is sometimes the only route of action with parents that are ignorant to their kids actions. A friend of mine had to and it worked.
Talk to a lawyer, know your rights for your children and you. This is something that won't go away or work it's self out. Many emotional scares for life. Your kids will be parents one day and will have to deal with it all over again. It takes 6 people to die at an intersection to warrent traffic lights. How many teen suicides will it take for BULLYING TO BE A CRIME
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teeroy
Active VIP Member
I had some extra motivation to do what I did Trish, I went to school with the boy's father....he was a couple years older than me and a real pr!ck. and then growing up in our teen years and partying he was a pr!ck. now we're older dudes, and he works for a very good friend of mine as a construction foreman and we got along okay in the business sense as I do a lot of hauling for my buddy's co. but when his boy started with mine all i could remember was the father being a bullyish dick in school and I actually looked forward to confronting him. turned out he never knew anything was going on and was very surprised when I got in his face and laid it out to him. the mother had received calls and written notices from the school and just wrote it off as "boys will be boys" and never mentioned it to the boy's father.
I was a runty kid growing up, somewhat of a late bloomer....my boy is the same. much smaller than a lot of the boys in his class, even smaller than some of the kids that are younger than him. I keep telling him to relax as one day he'll be as big as I am now, if not bigger, so just chill....but it hurts my heart to see him get bullied. I've told him to walk away if he can, and if there is no other way to avoid violence then take the first shot and make it count. even if you get a beating, the bully will remember that first good whack because no one wants to get hurt.....bullies or bullied. this was my father's advice to me, and yeah it cost me a few beatings.
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- #39
MOMMA
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I almost had a nervous Breakdown in September. Due to "Real LIFE" I had to go back to working full time. Previous to this I worked from home, enabling me to homeschool my children. The kids had to go into Public school. I picked a school that was in a smaller town by where we live. Salmo. I went in to meet the teachers on the first day. My 2 boys I knew would be ok. Sage already had friends in the community who would be his classmates, same with Leo, but Tatum was my main concern. She had seizures which weren't diagnosed till later on in her 11 years of life. They were sneaky creepy seizures, which just kind of slipped in and left her dazed. She had a hard time learning and concentrating because of this. She is a bit behind in her schooling, but thankfully it looks like she has out grown the seizures. I was terrified for her. What if kids made fun of her for being a bit slower in schooling. I heard through the grapevine that the girls in her grade are a cliquey tight knit bunch. I was bawling when I left her at school. Every day I'd question her, ask her how her day went. If I had a Day off where she was in school I'd mom stalk her.. pop into school to see how things were... Long story short, she ended up making friends with Everyone. There are other kids in a similar situation as hers. She's learning up a storm and making friends left right and center. The one girl who is known as the Main Bullier she avoids.
I'm unbelievably thankful for the great school she is in. The teachers seem to really want the kids to be in a peaceful environment.
I'm unbelievably thankful for the great school she is in. The teachers seem to really want the kids to be in a peaceful environment.
plio7
GBCA Member
martial arts is more than teching them to fight back, it teaches them the controll to properly deal with the situation, and if need be defend themselves should it come to violence. i was a very small kid all through school, 5' nothing and about 120lbs. at 10ish my mom put me in martial arts. barely had a fight my entire life. when the situations arose i had the tools to deal with them, wether through fighting back or defusing them.....i reccomens martial arts to all kids, it gives you a confidence, and a differnet prespective on violence and the ways it can be handeled
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