Bnorth
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Required: Sense of humor
- Thread starter albertagal500
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OLIVE DRAB DEAN
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Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, bought new shoes for her wedding.
During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the
day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over, and they retired
to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling,
please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour,
but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".
Charles yelled back. "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla
exclaimed,"There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip,"See! I
told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh,
God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy! He served
in the
Navy: --- once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"
During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the
day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over, and they retired
to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling,
please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour,
but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".
Charles yelled back. "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla
exclaimed,"There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip,"See! I
told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh,
God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy! He served
in the
Navy: --- once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"
A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses
intmid8or!
Problem Child
sticky
DaveB
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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.
Then the woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '$250'
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and his mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have sand wedge.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy - '$750'
Man - 'Sold..'
A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice.
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge, dad.'
The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?'
Boy - '$1,000.'
The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.'
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that chit with me again. You're in my closet now.'
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.
Then the woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '$250'
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and his mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have sand wedge.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy - '$750'
Man - 'Sold..'
A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice.
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge, dad.'
The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?'
Boy - '$1,000.'
The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.'
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that chit with me again. You're in my closet now.'
my mod
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Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in
their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the
car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "Whatshall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says
Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on
and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the
Vatican ," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the
water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fock off the car you little ch!t!"
their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the
car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "Whatshall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says
Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on
and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the
Vatican ," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the
water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fock off the car you little ch!t!"
my mod
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- Joined
- Oct 19, 2008
- Messages
- 1,188
- Reaction score
- 706
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my mod
Active VIP Member
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2008
- Messages
- 1,188
- Reaction score
- 706
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two' working girls ' and take them to their separate but adjoining hotel rooms foran hour of pleasure.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears hisfriend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO,
THREE .... UGH! " " Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!""Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!" This goes on for thewhole hour.
Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, " How did it go?"
The first mutters, " It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. " You think that's embarrassing? Icouldn't even get on the bed.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears hisfriend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO,
THREE .... UGH! " " Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!""Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!" This goes on for thewhole hour.
Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, " How did it go?"
The first mutters, " It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. " You think that's embarrassing? Icouldn't even get on the bed.
OLIVE DRAB DEAN
Active VIP Member
Mitt Romney and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word
was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear
it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Romney in his chair
reached for the aftershave.Romney was quick to stop him saying,
'No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.'
The second barber turned to Obama and said, 'How about you sir ?' Obama
replied,
'Go ahead; my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells
like.'
(Timing of a joke is everything) Cheers
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word
was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear
it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Romney in his chair
reached for the aftershave.Romney was quick to stop him saying,
'No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.'
The second barber turned to Obama and said, 'How about you sir ?' Obama
replied,
'Go ahead; my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells
like.'
(Timing of a joke is everything) Cheers
JaySimon
Active VIP Member
A SHORT LOVE STORY
A man and a woman who had never
met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.
>
Though initially embarrassed and
uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly,
he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
>
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned
down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother
you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second
blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just
for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow!.................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.
>
'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own f---king blanket.'
>
After a moment of silence, ......................he farted.
The End
A man and a woman who had never
met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.
>
Though initially embarrassed and
uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly,
he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
>
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned
down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother
you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second
blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just
for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow!.................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.
>
'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own f---king blanket.'
>
After a moment of silence, ......................he farted.
The End
zeebs
Active VIP Member
This is unreal.........i got a tattoo of a ****** on my arm, now it quit working!!!
Sent while not working too hard
Sent while not working too hard
Last edited by a moderator:
zeebs
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I beg your pardon??!!!
Sorry if this offended you kbrunlees. It wasnt meant to be take that way. It was more in regard to our current U.S. president. Maybe it would have been better to post over in the obummer thread.
Sorry.
Carrots
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Last edited by a moderator:
zeebs
Active VIP Member
Probably not, guess they can ban me if they dont approve
Sent while not working too hard
- Moderator
- #2,737
I deleted the word again, please refrain from using it here.
zeebs
Active VIP Member
I only used it once
Even at that it was pry one too many.
Sent while not working too hard
kbrunlees
Active VIP Member
It is not word we like use in Canada as many of us have good friends of various backgrounds. I know that in the States things are very different there. I appreciate the apology and I trust you really don't feel that way. We do have issues with people with various background and we hope that they will get it as to what it means to be Canadian. I will be friends with anyone who can respect my point as I will try to respect theirs.
zeebs
Active VIP Member
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