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ferniesnow
I'm doo-ing it!
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A little chuckle for you today.....Go Canucks Go!
RECEPTIONIST: “Can I help you?”
CANUCKS: “I’m here to see the doctor.”
RECEPTIONIST: “Do you have an appointment?”
CANUCKS: “No. I was just hoping. ... I mean, it’s a bit of an emergency.”
RECEPTIONIST: “Oh? What’s the nature of the emergency?”
CANUCKS: “Well ... it’s a kind of ... ah ... it’s a ...” (looking around the crowded waiting room, then whispering) ... “‘man’ thing. If you catch my drift.”
RECEPTIONIST: “A man thing? I’m not sure I ... Oh ... Oh, I see. Yes, of course. Hang on a second. Let me see if the doctor can fit you in.” (She goes into the back, and emerges a few moments later.) “You’re in luck. The doctor has a few minutes open. Go on in.”
(The patient is shown into a small examination room. Moments later, the doctor enters. The doctor is a woman.)
DOCTOR: “Hi there. I’m a bit rushed today, so, sorry, but we’ll have to make this quick. What seems to be the problem?”
CANUCKS: “You’re a woman.”
DOCTOR: “Is that the problem or are you just making an observation?”
CANUCKS: “No, it’s just that ... I mean ... it’s a bit embarrassing for me. It’s a ... um ... a man problem.”
DOCTOR: “Ah, I see. A man problem. Please, don’t be embarrassed.
“I see this sort of thing every day.”
CANUCKS: “You do?”
DOCTOR: “Oh yes. It’s very common.”
CANUCKS: “I had no idea. I thought it was just ... you know ... a problem only I had.”
DOCTOR: “Far from it. It’s very common among men your age. By the way, how old are you?”
CANUCKS: “Forty-one.”
DOCTOR: “And how long have you had this problem?”
CANUCKS: “Well, the most recent bout started last week.”
DOCTOR: “The most recent bout?
CANUCKS: “Well, it’s happened before that. Actually, it’s happened for as long as I can remember.”
DOCTOR: “You mean you’ve never ... ah ... you mean you’ve always had this problem?”
CANUCKS: “Well ... yes. But I’ve been close! I mean, I’ve been really close! A couple of times it was like a matter of inches! I was right there!”
DOCTOR: “I see. And then what happened?”
CANUCKS: “And then I wasn’t there.”
DOCTOR: “Aha. And why do you think that is?”
CANUCKS: “Well, I get these thoughts in my head.”
DOCTOR: “Thoughts?”
CANUCKS: “Yeah. I’ll be doing what I’m supposed to be doing and then these thoughts come into my head. And then I can’t think straight. I can’t relax. Like last week.”
DOCTOR: “Last week?”
CANUCKS: “Yeah. Last week, things were going along great, and it looked like I was going to do it, and then, for some reason — and I have no idea why — an image of the John Hancock Building popped into my head. I mean, it was all I could think about. Which was a little intimidating for someone such as myself. And then I ... um ... shrank from the job at hand, if you catch my drift.”
DOCTOR: “I think I do. Here, let’s take a look at you. Stand up, please.” (The doctor examines the patient, checking blood pressure, listening to the heartbeat, feeling the glands for swelling.)
DOCTOR: “Is that tender?”
CANUCKS: “Cold hands!”
DOCTOR: “Sorry about that.... Well, everything seems to be in working order. But I think I know what your problem is. I’m going to prescribe something for you that should take care of it. Here. Take one of these pills four times daily.”
CANUCKS: “And that’s it?”
DOCTOR: “That’s it.”
CANUCKS: “Problem solved?”
DOCTOR: “With any luck.”
CANUCKS: “I could use some luck. Doc, I don’t know how to thank you.”
DOCTOR: “No thanks needed. Just get out there and do what you have to do. Here, let me see you out.”
(They walk out to the waiting room together. The patient leaves. The doctor and receptionist watch him go.)
RECEPTIONIST: “What was his problem?”
DOCTOR: “Nothing. Everything.”
RECEPTIONIST: “So what did you give him?”
DOCTOR: “A placebo. There’s nothing physically wrong with him.”
RECEPTIONIST: “You mean he’s a total head case?”
DOCTOR: “Totally.”
RECEPTIONIST: “Which is to say ...?
DOCTOR: “They haven’t made the pill yet that will ensure he’ll rise to the occasion.”
pmcmartin@vancouversun.com
Read more: Opinion: The hockey doctor is in, and the remedy isn
RECEPTIONIST: “Can I help you?”
CANUCKS: “I’m here to see the doctor.”
RECEPTIONIST: “Do you have an appointment?”
CANUCKS: “No. I was just hoping. ... I mean, it’s a bit of an emergency.”
RECEPTIONIST: “Oh? What’s the nature of the emergency?”
CANUCKS: “Well ... it’s a kind of ... ah ... it’s a ...” (looking around the crowded waiting room, then whispering) ... “‘man’ thing. If you catch my drift.”
RECEPTIONIST: “A man thing? I’m not sure I ... Oh ... Oh, I see. Yes, of course. Hang on a second. Let me see if the doctor can fit you in.” (She goes into the back, and emerges a few moments later.) “You’re in luck. The doctor has a few minutes open. Go on in.”
(The patient is shown into a small examination room. Moments later, the doctor enters. The doctor is a woman.)
DOCTOR: “Hi there. I’m a bit rushed today, so, sorry, but we’ll have to make this quick. What seems to be the problem?”
CANUCKS: “You’re a woman.”
DOCTOR: “Is that the problem or are you just making an observation?”
CANUCKS: “No, it’s just that ... I mean ... it’s a bit embarrassing for me. It’s a ... um ... a man problem.”
DOCTOR: “Ah, I see. A man problem. Please, don’t be embarrassed.
“I see this sort of thing every day.”
CANUCKS: “You do?”
DOCTOR: “Oh yes. It’s very common.”
CANUCKS: “I had no idea. I thought it was just ... you know ... a problem only I had.”
DOCTOR: “Far from it. It’s very common among men your age. By the way, how old are you?”
CANUCKS: “Forty-one.”
DOCTOR: “And how long have you had this problem?”
CANUCKS: “Well, the most recent bout started last week.”
DOCTOR: “The most recent bout?
CANUCKS: “Well, it’s happened before that. Actually, it’s happened for as long as I can remember.”
DOCTOR: “You mean you’ve never ... ah ... you mean you’ve always had this problem?”
CANUCKS: “Well ... yes. But I’ve been close! I mean, I’ve been really close! A couple of times it was like a matter of inches! I was right there!”
DOCTOR: “I see. And then what happened?”
CANUCKS: “And then I wasn’t there.”
DOCTOR: “Aha. And why do you think that is?”
CANUCKS: “Well, I get these thoughts in my head.”
DOCTOR: “Thoughts?”
CANUCKS: “Yeah. I’ll be doing what I’m supposed to be doing and then these thoughts come into my head. And then I can’t think straight. I can’t relax. Like last week.”
DOCTOR: “Last week?”
CANUCKS: “Yeah. Last week, things were going along great, and it looked like I was going to do it, and then, for some reason — and I have no idea why — an image of the John Hancock Building popped into my head. I mean, it was all I could think about. Which was a little intimidating for someone such as myself. And then I ... um ... shrank from the job at hand, if you catch my drift.”
DOCTOR: “I think I do. Here, let’s take a look at you. Stand up, please.” (The doctor examines the patient, checking blood pressure, listening to the heartbeat, feeling the glands for swelling.)
DOCTOR: “Is that tender?”
CANUCKS: “Cold hands!”
DOCTOR: “Sorry about that.... Well, everything seems to be in working order. But I think I know what your problem is. I’m going to prescribe something for you that should take care of it. Here. Take one of these pills four times daily.”
CANUCKS: “And that’s it?”
DOCTOR: “That’s it.”
CANUCKS: “Problem solved?”
DOCTOR: “With any luck.”
CANUCKS: “I could use some luck. Doc, I don’t know how to thank you.”
DOCTOR: “No thanks needed. Just get out there and do what you have to do. Here, let me see you out.”
(They walk out to the waiting room together. The patient leaves. The doctor and receptionist watch him go.)
RECEPTIONIST: “What was his problem?”
DOCTOR: “Nothing. Everything.”
RECEPTIONIST: “So what did you give him?”
DOCTOR: “A placebo. There’s nothing physically wrong with him.”
RECEPTIONIST: “You mean he’s a total head case?”
DOCTOR: “Totally.”
RECEPTIONIST: “Which is to say ...?
DOCTOR: “They haven’t made the pill yet that will ensure he’ll rise to the occasion.”
pmcmartin@vancouversun.com
Read more: Opinion: The hockey doctor is in, and the remedy isn
