Let the jokes begin....

[RETODD]

This just announced....let the jokes begin...

....hey honey...can you stop and pick up a box of iPads!!!


CNN Breaking News
to textbreakingne.

show details 11:25 AM (7 minutes ago)

-- Apple announces new device sized between laptop and smartphone to be called an iPad.

Watch live coverage now on http://CNN.com/Live

 

[femme.fatale.]

BAHAHAH

I thought the same dam thing! Thought maybe I was the only one... BUT i am not =)

 

[RETODD]

One day!!!

 

[tredeb]

on the Daily show last night:

The iPad is better than the other option:.............. The Tampod

 

[eattheweak]

WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?
>> The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning
>> and she asked the question. 'When you die and go to Heaven...which
>> part of your body goes first?'
>> Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'
>> 'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
>> Suzy replied, 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
>> front of you and God just takes your hands first.'
>> 'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.
>> Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your
>> feet.'
>> The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
>> 'Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'
>> Little Johnny said, 'Well, I walked into Mummy and Daddy's bedroom
>> the other night Mummy had her legs straight up in the air and she was
>> saying, Oh God, I'm coming!'
>> If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her.'
>> The Nun fainted.

 

[Bruzer]

Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed several entries stating the problem was PICNIC. I asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant. He laughed as he told me it meant "Problem In Chair, Not In Computer"

:d

 

[Bruzer]

How to give a cat a pill.

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.
3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.
8. Tie the little angel’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

 

[femme.fatale.]

SO true.. BAHAHA
My kitten is a fricken Houdini when it comes to pills...