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Afternoon quickie The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into...

SOMEBODY'S RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT! One Nation, "Under God". One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass...

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on...

You Gotta Have Faith... There was a little old lady, who every morning stepped onto her front porch,raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!" One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front...

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!" His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning...

Flatlandguy, sounds like the kid knows her own mind.

Marriage (Part I ) Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you...

THIS MUST BE THE BEST MOTHER-IN-LAW JOKE. A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the...

I am doing much better. I rolled my quad Aug 25. I do all the chores now but seeing as the horses are all on round bales it is not to hard. I still have to grain but my son helps take the buckets out to the feilds. I am still waiting for the Ok to get back to riding, I know that I will not be...

Who Knew!! RAILROADS Does the statement, "We've always done it like that" ring any bells? Read this email to the end; you'll love it!! The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because...

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.Christmas was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for Christmas." Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and...

A Christmas Story 'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list. Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I've busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of 'Thanks...

Just wait. I am just getting started.

Ron said I could have one thread for my funnys and jokes. So this is it.

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But most guys that have breasts have a beer gut too.